Transdicament (n): When you're pre-op trans and horny AF, but just can't get excited for sex or any physical intimacy that might lead to sex because it's just gonna mean more painful frustration and unfulfillment, as well as triggering for your body dysphoria and depression. - ThreadSky

alaia.bsky.social • 195 days ago

Transdicament (n): When you're pre-op trans and horny AF, but just can't get excited for sex or any physical intimacy that might lead to sex because it's just gonna mean more painful frustration and unfulfillment, as well as triggering for your body dysphoria and depression.

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alaia.bsky.social•118 days ago

I hate that this where I’m at, I just want something that feels right and inspires hope. But I’ve been so lonely for so long. I feel broken.

harkins.bsky.social•99 days ago

How are you now? Are you finding support?

alaia.bsky.social•195 days ago

Due to this, sometimes I feel closer to being ACE because I just don't want to deal with sex or situations where I may feel pressured into sex.

I just need to get my lower surgery. As I'm not going to be happy with the idea of being sexually intimate until things are right enough downstairs first.

alaia.bsky.social•195 days ago

I've tried so hard to be there for partners in a sort of "service top" role. And I do have a level of enjoyment in pleasuring and pleasing others. But not being able to reach a place where my needs for physical intimacy can even possibly be fulfilled has been difficult.

alaia.bsky.social•195 days ago

The overall feeling that comes with all the times of never feeling fulfilled while trying to be intimate with someone I love just eats away at me inside--in that part of my soul that believes in and yearns for my happiness.

alaia.bsky.social•195 days ago

And it gets lonely for me too, because I tend to push people away rather than make another attempt at physical intimacy that I know is going to lead to me be triggered about the inadequacy of my body, and that I can't even be a proper partner for my lover...

alaia.bsky.social•195 days ago

...nor experience what I truly want to feel. And as for those that do believe I'm a "proper partner" in my current state, most are just fetishizing my body rather than loving me for who I am. As if they truly loved me for who I am, they wouldn't prefer my body configured this way over what I want.

alaia.bsky.social•195 days ago

And when I feel like I catch even the slightest scent that someone prefers my body this way more so than they prefer my body to be configured the way that makes me happy--there are few things that could be a quicker turn off and cause of general distaste for wanting any kind of physical intimacy.

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