They did studies and it's not a gendered issue. More women are also reporting loneliness, it's just that they don't tend to shoot people for not being their friends If we actually want to fix it, we need third spaces you don't need to pay to access - ThreadSky

word-geek.bsky.social • 76 days ago

They did studies and it's not a gendered issue. More women are also reporting loneliness, it's just that they don't tend to shoot people for not being their friends

If we actually want to fix it, we need third spaces you don't need to pay to access

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vesperaegis.bsky.social•76 days ago

(2/2) I agree with your conclusion. I don't know if there is a fixable way to ameliorate the fact that men tend to externalize their problems while women internalize them(as a generalization). None of that excuses violence, but we should focus on the root of the problem rather than the evil endgame.

word-geek.bsky.social•76 days ago

But a well chosen group of people meeting semi regularly, as overlapping subsets of the total group, is ideal ground in which deeper friendships can develop

word-geek.bsky.social•76 days ago

Curses, accidently broke the thread

word-geek.bsky.social•76 days ago

Just to clarify, do you mean that the root of the problem is men externalising problems more than women?

I don't really know if we can fix that. But we can address one of the interim causes, which is the lack of ways to gain new friends once you become an adult

word-geek.bsky.social•76 days ago

And here, I think part of the difference between genders and generations is that women tend to get a second shot at making new friends if they have kids. It's heavily dependent on whether you like the parents of your kids' friends, and whether you have time to pursue a friendship, but it helps

word-geek.bsky.social•76 days ago

And, in my parents generation, women (mostly) would arrange dinner parties, at which husbands would get to meet the partners of those mum friends (or other adult friends), and so both men and women got a chance to add people to their circle. That's not a thing now

vesperaegis.bsky.social•76 days ago

I would be more keen to take friendship as a metric over loneliness: Men are taught to internalize when asked, "Are you lonely?" and not fess up.

To that end, while social circles have dwindled for both genders, men have seen the sharpest in isolation:

https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/

cjstudio.bsky.social•76 days ago

I agree, it’s not solely a gendered issue. I think it turns into one because men are more likely to act out and not have the same support systems women do.

Third spaces that don’t require payment would be a massive step.

word-geek.bsky.social•76 days ago

The study I saw also showed that it was hugely age based. Like, hardly any of the oldest group felt lonely, which I suspect is because they did develop support systems when they were younger

word-geek.bsky.social•76 days ago

As adults, we rarely get a fresh start, paired with a way to start conversations that are not related to work

I went youth hostelling before uni and it was invaluable. Even travelling with friends, because you met new folks every day, I got to practice making friends before I went to uni

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