I always hate this: “If you’re not content and secure in yourself, you’re never going to feel that with someone else.” Work on your love CV – and 14 more ways to find the one on.ft.com/3Cxsqh4 - ThreadSky

emmavj.bsky.social • 27 days ago

I always hate this:

“If you’re not content and secure in yourself, you’re never going to feel that with someone else.”

Work on your love CV – and 14 more ways to find the one https://on.ft.com/3Cxsqh4

Comments

darksatanicmills.bsky.social•27 days ago

No.... it just makes one incredibly needy. 🙂

rich-bryant.uk•27 days ago

Do any of them say “just settle, everyone else does”

fornbirkibeinn.bsky.social•27 days ago

"You could maybe do better, but they definitely could"

hannahalothman.bsky.social•27 days ago

Oh my god me too. It always made me feel like I needed to lose weight before going on the apps. Worst advice ever.

emmavj.bsky.social•27 days ago

😂

katebevan.com•27 days ago

Everything in that piece is such garbage (except the advice about watching out for scammers). This particularly can fuck right off - women in our 60s don't need anyone's permission, thanks

hannahalothman.bsky.social•27 days ago

But even part of that advice is bullshit! “I always tell my clients, ‘Don’t go on WhatsApp, that’s where the scammers live.’”

Nonsense. Moving straight to WhatsApp once you start chatting properly is normal and fine. Someone’s WhatsApp profile picture can tell you a lot too.

katebevan.com•27 days ago

it's a bit of a red flag to want to move off a moderated platform really quickly, I think - I'd move to WhatsApp after meeting. But then I'm not on any dating apps anyway!

hannahalothman.bsky.social•27 days ago

I get what you’re saying but when I was dating on the apps I’d do it very soon, and nothing bad ever came of it.

Mostly because I hated the apps and wanted to spend as little time on them as possible.

My fiancé and I moved to WhatsApp within about half an hour. Hopefully he’s not a scammer 🤞🏽

emmavj.bsky.social•27 days ago

What a long game he’s playing 😳😘

katebevan.com•27 days ago

ah, definitely a good move, then!!

yellsonpolitics.bsky.social•27 days ago

I think the key thing is the ask and the answer. It's a trust-building step, and offering is a signal you want to take that step, with that person. Some people want to chat longer-term on app and that's fine too, but (and I don't think this is a hugely gendered thing) my perception is/

yellsonpolitics.bsky.social•27 days ago

/that people who want to go slow on the app are rarely serious about taking anything forward.

emmavj.bsky.social•27 days ago

Maybe you just want a boy/girlfriend

stephenkb.bsky.social•27 days ago

"If you’re not content and secure in yourself, you’re never going to feel that with someone else." - no, sorry, just not true! Sometimes getting some Treatment Type O does just make you feel confident and sexy again!

emmavj.bsky.social•27 days ago

Yes. Feeling attractive involves someone else. Sorry that’s just physics

inigopurcell.bsky.social•25 days ago

Right, it's not an unreasonable goal, is it? (What also used to drive me mad when single (and broke and living alone) was "it's better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship, that can be lonelier." a) I was hoping for a happy relationship and b) it is possible to be really lonely by yourself

emmavj.bsky.social•25 days ago

Totally!

inigopurcell.bsky.social•25 days ago

I feel it's part of the infuriating self-help trend where every conceivable problem gets boiled down to "maybe you haven't done enough self-actualisation". Which I refuse to believe is really the greatest cause of Most Problems.

emmavj.bsky.social•25 days ago

I don’t want to work on myself anymore!!!

cupcakesbroccoli.bsky.social•27 days ago

I think the quote is more saying - you can have a boy/girlfriend sure. But the relationship won’t fill the void you’re trying to fill.

evamontemaggi.bsky.social•27 days ago

Alas too many films & novels (esp. targeting women) depict romantic relationships as a way to find fulfilment and happiness as fulfilment, unlike ethical doing as in much Greek philosophy.

cupcakesbroccoli.bsky.social•27 days ago

And it starts with Disney movies. Ariel wanted to be human. Not to be a child bride at age 16.

evamontemaggi.bsky.social•27 days ago

Yes. To be fair, the myth-making around work/profession as life fulfilment is similarly flawed and making people feel as failures (me included!).

cupcakesbroccoli.bsky.social•27 days ago

I agree!

emmavj.bsky.social•27 days ago

Totally. I do just always found it annoying. Perhaps the void is just a relationship

cupcakesbroccoli.bsky.social•27 days ago

It’s incredibly annoying.

But being in a relationship and being in a supportive, loving relationship and two very different things.

cupcakesbroccoli.bsky.social•27 days ago

And the answer definitely ain’t in the Financial Times.