Oh my goodness we're just a couple of weeks away from the start of my favourite bit of Christmas: reading articles about winter wonderlands that are fucking shit! Always accompanied by a photo like this:
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Once worked at Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, and can confirm that the scanners we used to scan people's pay tickets with were just boxes that made a beeping sound.
Print as many tickets as you want and walk round that place like a millionaire.
Even if they've updated the system since then, the entire place is staffed by bored, cold teenagers who absolutely will not argue with you if you say the machine is wrong.
"It's been hard enough for kids this year and they were really looking forward to this but it turned out to just be a burger van in a car park and bloke in a Santa costume off of Amazon. Kids are still crying. Santa's elves were just women who didn't speak English in elf costumes from Ann Summers."
"The Santa had dirty white trainers on and stank of cigarettes. We'd been told to expect reindeer in the local paper but I reckon it was just someone's dog. The kids got bitten by the dog."
"It was £60 for the whole family but the burgers from the van were £12 each and when I asked for a refund the Santa just laughed but not in a 'ho ho ho' way. Disgusted"
No Captain Tom Winter Wonderland this year I guess. Shame ... they could have done a Christmas Truce football match for kids in little uniforms (yes I know it was WW1 and he was in Burma, but it is the spirit wot counts, innit)
gagging for an article that opens with 'the car park was full of brown slush' and ends with 'and that's how I became the first person to be legally divorced by an Elf’.
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Print as many tickets as you want and walk round that place like a millionaire.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/crmz1x3y7mxo