Absolute truth! People deserve respect and love before a scene even begins. Kink isn’t just being mean and hitting/being hit by toys, it’s about connection and understanding your partner.
A lot of kink media doesn’t show aftercare, the discussion before a scene, or the awkward setup.
Maybe it's because I've grown older and my libido isn't what it used to be, but generic sex scenes without any clear emotional connection between partners or anything other than basic fucking have really started to feel hollow to me.
I totally get this; lots of folks lose themselves to just wanting to orgasm that they forget to revel in making their partner feel good. It’s why I drifted to kink almost immediately as someone who is somewhere on the ace spectrum. Much more fun to get lost in the sauce of a scene than just hump.
The real problem is that when people are only exposed to the fantasy and have no experience with the reality, they not-unreasonably, and possibly unconsciously, come to believe that the fantasy is the reality, because it's all they have as a frame of reference.
Indeed. If there wasn't an element of trust between the people in it, they wouldn't be doing it with each other at all. And yet puritanical sorts will frame it as "abuse" regardless, as if people who do kink are too "lesser" to be trusted with that.
...I do assume there are a lot of kinksters out there who are willing to jump into kink scenes as quickly as some non-kinksters will jump into vanilla sex...but they hopefully have their eyes open when they do that, and hopefully it's consentual rather than abusive.
Yeh. It's like... even if the trust is ill given, people don't go into it expecting to be taken advantage of. The point is that it's no more or less beautiful and/or dangerous than vanilla romance/sex.
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A lot of kink media doesn’t show aftercare, the discussion before a scene, or the awkward setup.
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AND AND AND
you are totally right that media in general needs to show what ACTUAL kink play and relationship should be like.