Thank you for this. We are visiting family later this week, and I'm girding my loins for idiotic political comments from my stepmother. Last time we spoke, she praised Elmo and claimed "the Democrats" were encouraging attacks on Tesla. 1/2
Update: she waited until I left the room to take a call, then started extolling Elmo's "virtues" to my 17-year-old. Cr@p about how Dumpty was the "father he never had".
My daughter was not happy with me when I returned...
That's one thing about growing up in NYC. You learn early on to buck up cause you will be tested. Telling someone "yo, back the f*ck up" is setting boundries. FR
If someone tries to bully you silent using recitation of rules or description of your relationship from their perspective they are afraid, tell them who you are!
Ex: “we don’t talk about that here, there are rules.”
Me: “I am a heretic, I only follow rules that work for me.”
This happened yesterday!
I think it’s ok to have boundaries but discomfort isn’t always because somebody overstepped. If I know somebody in ER or violence prevention work, it’s common for them to be blunt and talk about tough things openly. I think it’s ok to say to them “I don’t want to talk or hear about that stuff.”
I think your point is that we all get to set our own boundaries and types of relationships should influence those boundaries. I partially agree; my partner may be loving and open with his parents and I may not be with mine. He has a list of shoulds and expectations for relationships i don’t share.
The thing is none of us know each others boundaries when we first meet, but we find out when we cross invisible ones like hidden mines, or ones we don’t know we have, which sucks. You are absolutely, 100% right about people who are purposely violating others though.
I’m in an intensive DBT based PHP therapy program for 19 weeks and I love all the sayings I’m learning that are worded similar to this that I never thought to use before
The problem is narcissists. I know the term is overused but the first thing out of the mouths of people who want to train you like a dog is that you aren’t respecting them and their ways.
There are edge cases in virtually everything. But in your example, if it’s truly unreasonable, they’ve self-reported and you know to not get involved with them.
Will everyone heed the red flag? No, just like not everyone will respect reasonable boundaries.
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My daughter was not happy with me when I returned...
Ex: “we don’t talk about that here, there are rules.”
Me: “I am a heretic, I only follow rules that work for me.”
This happened yesterday!
Thanks for a new one to add to the list!
Will everyone heed the red flag? No, just like not everyone will respect reasonable boundaries.