I could've easily shattered him with he doesn't know she's told me. I mean it. It could've ended incredibly poorly for him. But I'm just not that kinda person. Surprisingly enough, I did not blame myself at all for what happened.
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Another long distance friend did a similar thing. She got angry I didn't reply in a day. Was at a family gathering after a funeral, but she did not care. She has disappeared for months in the past, comes back like nothing happened. Did I ever complain? Nope. I should have, though.
In fact, I discussed it with my therapist last week. How to confront her, regardless of consequences. I mean, I care about her, but getting mad at me over a crappy delay...when she's capable of vanishing, coming back to talk about her issues, and ignore whatever I said.
These two women were important to me. And were others who've ghosted me. The pattern I'm worried about is not people leaving, it's the fact I let it slide every goddamn time, because I'm terrified of not mattering. But I never did matter to them, did I?
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