Alright, this is not tech related so hope you're not following me just for that. The SF Bay Area just is too gender imbalanced. Ballroom dance is mostly guys. I went to a mixer for kink community yesterday and it was almost all guys (guys here meaning people who use she/her pronouns). - ThreadSky

djhoffman.bsky.social • 462 days ago

Alright, this is not tech related so hope you're not following me just for that.

The SF Bay Area just is too gender imbalanced. Ballroom dance is mostly guys. I went to a mixer for kink community yesterday and it was almost all guys (guys here meaning people who use she/her pronouns).

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djhoffman.bsky.social•462 days ago

ah! meant (he/him) pronouns. Sorry!

djhoffman.bsky.social•462 days ago

It's not even about dating, it's just that I enjoy connecting with people who have had a different life experience that me. I feel like I'm personally a walking stereotype, and struggle to stand out as a person, and it's internalized dislike of myself because I'm so tired of meeting people like me.

djhoffman.bsky.social•462 days ago

A vibrant community needs variety, and SF just doesn't feel like it has it right now. But I'm also struggling to figure out where to go where there would be more diversity of people, and I know this is a me-problem for lack of imagination, but I basically only have roots in SF and SoCal.

djhoffman.bsky.social•462 days ago

I want to have more self-compassion here. I just find it so hard to do at times. I hope y'all who ever read this can find the community of vibrate, varied people that you're looking for to broaden your horizons and make life more complete.

kateviolette.com•462 days ago

Are you open to moving somewhere you don't have roots already?

djhoffman.bsky.social•462 days ago

I'm hesitant about it. I'm miserable when I'm lonely. And while I'm decent at making friends, I visited my family and some high school friends over thanksgiving and it was the most loved and supported I'd felt in a long time. I was reminded that friendship and family can take years to form.

kateviolette.com•461 days ago

I wouldn't necessarily say that's a universal law, that friendships take years to form, but if it's true for you, why not move back to where you already have that? What's the barrier you see?

djhoffman.bsky.social•461 days ago

There isn't one, I've been looking for a realtor actually. (this is a reminder that I should make some calls today).

I wouldn't say that friendships take years to form for me, just that... I can still feel the difference between a friend I met six months ago and one I've known for half my life.

kateviolette.com•462 days ago

I do wonder if the imbalance has become even worse in the past few years as the economy has tightened

djhoffman.bsky.social•462 days ago

It's very possible. The data I was looking at for this was a couple years out of date. I started looking at "population pyramids" last night researching where the 25-35 demographics was less gender skewed. https://worldpopulationreview.com/us-cities/san-francisco-ca-population SF is very badly skewed.

djhoffman.bsky.social•462 days ago

*looks at more pyramids*
Wow, Seattle looks kinda fucked gender-balance-wise too. Portland seems actually balanced, NYC was female slanted. What was interesting was a place like Simi Valley https://worldpopulationreview.com/us-cities/simi-valley-ca-population where the overall ratio is balanced, but the 25-35 demo is off.

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