I could be getting daily nosebleeds, the diagnosis would be nosebleeds, the prescription would be “the single thing to cure nosebleeds is to avoid all coffee” and I’d be like”obviously I don’t have nosebleeds.”
I was little miss A+ student when pregnant (I religiously avoided EVERYTHING they told me to avoid) except coffee. I was like, ‘If drinking coffee will make me miscarry, I am clearly not intended to become a mother.’ (I watched my total intake—but cold turkey was not an option).
No, no, no, studies have shown that coffee is HELPFUL and doesn't EVER cause anything bad. Lots of studies! Showing things!! All good! Ima go refill my cup now.
I need to edit this, it's actually morphine like compounds. I thought that didn't quite sound right at first. Gotta keep your Internet heresy and rumors factual!
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I also have one for a stomach ache:
Am I sick? Or would I eat pizza?