Finally woke up from my post Shanghai trip nap. This trip to see my mom had a lot of ups and downs. My mom is using she/her for me and uses my name in front of her friends and relatives, which gives me the confidence to be me in front of them as well. - ThreadSky

rebell.bsky.social • 1 day ago

Finally woke up from my post Shanghai trip nap.

This trip to see my mom had a lot of ups and downs. My mom is using she/her for me and uses my name in front of her friends and relatives, which gives me the confidence to be me in front of them as well.

Comments

rebell.bsky.social•1 day ago

My mom still expects me to use the men’s bathroom, which I try not to take offense on. She still brings up really old memories of things from basically another lifetime to defend the way she thinks of me or talks about me.

It’s pretty painful to constantly endure it.

rebell.bsky.social•1 day ago

I’ve learned that my relationship with my mom requires more patience on both sides.

I’ve mostly stayed extremely guarded with my emotions and honesty, which made the first half of our trip pretty tough because I didn’t really talk with her, which created a downward cycle of her noting more faults

rebell.bsky.social•1 day ago

Halfway through the trip she yells at me for my past slights and I snapped, and told her this is why I don’t talk to her. Basically my ADHD makes her think I hate her for forgetting stuff.

We never really made any resolution on it, she just went to bed.

rebell.bsky.social•1 day ago

The rest of the trip went better. I don’t really know if my honesty made an impact, we never had the proper moment or time to talk about it again, but I don’t expect it to be solved within a week. This is just constant emotional knives until eventually we heal through time.

rebell.bsky.social•1 day ago

I’m lucky in the sense that my mom does accept me, and I have it better than a lot of other families who reject their trans child.

I just think being trans adds an additional layer of emotional triggers on top of usual parent child complexities.

marinemike76.bsky.social•1 day ago

Be who you are. All that matters is that you are a good, kind person. Unfortunately societies are very confused about priorities.

milktea.co•1 day ago

i had decent help with a book i recently read about communicating with asian parents. permission to come home by jenny wang. its was a challenging book for me. i was taught a lot of chinese values and practices.

biggestrascal.bsky.social•1 day ago

You go, this is called a win, 🎉 congrats 🎉🎈🎊🍾

dad4change.bsky.social•1 day ago

She’ll become more accepting give her time

malanaks.bsky.social•1 day ago

in my experience there's a sweet spot of detachment with mums where you refuse to engage on their level (they want to let the sickness win) but instead of fully avoiding, you create a new path (you want to address positive outcomes)

sometimes you can almost ignore and creat a new conversation

malanaks.bsky.social•1 day ago

sometimes people need to see you showing your good side for a while before they're willing to accept it so uh
enforce your gameplan
create good side moments and lead by example when you can
rooting for you

antidramallama.bsky.social•1 day ago

I'm really sorry it's still a stressful struggle to spend time with your mom. I'm really happy she is using your name and pronouns. And I am holding space for you if you need it.
My mother accepts nothing about me (gender fluid/AuDHD) and I don't know if we'll ever speak again. It isn't right.

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