Alrighty, so, a question for all the extroverts out there from an autistic introvert. How the FUCK do you like just talk to friends? And how do you remember that friends exist? Cus like. I haven't had a conversation with anyone for years that has been completely spontaneous. I wanna have frens, yo - ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

paganpegasus.bsky.social • 70 days ago

Alrighty, so, a question for all the extroverts out there from an autistic introvert.

How the FUCK do you like just talk to friends? And how do you remember that friends exist? Cus like. I haven't had a conversation with anyone for years that has been completely spontaneous. I wanna have frens, yo

Comments

familiaracez.bsky.social•69 days ago

I'm weird but I see people in calls and just join if I see people I know in a server and it's not a private room. I join. If they don't want me there they'll probably kick me or ask me to leave. That's what I do but it's not for the faint of heart.

ampyri.bsky.social•70 days ago

I found the most helpful thing for me was just to have a small VC that I could go to whenever and hang out with people and chat. Being vocally present meant a lot more natural interactions, and elicited a lot more conversations than I would have had otherwise!

seleneheidlman.bsky.social•70 days ago

Also remember these memes. I carry them partially because I need reminders sometimes, and partially to share with those who haven’t found them yet.

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seleneheidlman.bsky.social•70 days ago

Some of it is following the Wikipedia principle: Be Bold. I’m here because I saw Blitzy making some comment somewhere along the way and just threw my two cents in, unprompted. If you like jokes and see one, make it there and let the groans or eyerolls come. I like making people blush, it’s fun.

seleneheidlman.bsky.social•70 days ago

If it seems like you’re not welcome, you can always apologise and back out. If they get too hostile, the mute or block button is right there.

seleneheidlman.bsky.social•70 days ago

As for remembering people and sharing things with them… a lot of people I know are autistic in a way that lets them really focus on some niche thing. They tend to enjoy when I send them memes or other scraps, and don’t mind starting out as my “LOTR friend” or “Artist friend.”

seleneheidlman.bsky.social•70 days ago

Other times, we meet through something specific, like VRChat or Avakin Life, and it stays there for months or years. That’s okay, and you’re not less of a friend for being their friend in the places you share. If it grows, cool, and if not, also cool. Friends is a winning proposition.

seleneheidlman.bsky.social•70 days ago

And over time, we sometimes get to know each other better and those things expand. Sometimes I remember wrong and send a Lesbian meme to Doctor Who friend, and the result is a new and fun conversation. Making mistakes lets everyone have a laugh, barring real malice or shitlording.

seleneheidlman.bsky.social•70 days ago

And sometimes (often), friends ask for advice. I give what I have, what I can, knowing I may be wrong or a lucky outlier. Go in wanting the best for both you and your conversation partner and the best will come. Respond to those who like responding to you. And when in doubt, call them “good girl.”

railwaydash.bsky.social•70 days ago

Sorry to object, but I think you had: with me, at the Biergarten Waiblingen this summer right after GalaCon, when we talked about Rainbow Factory, Pegasus Device and my acting as Dr. Atmosphere, I'd consider that a spontaneous conversation :)

paganpegasus.bsky.social•70 days ago

The problem isn't irl but with messaging friends online. Like everything is great at cons, but otherwise I don't have any friends irl :/

rnlg.bsky.social•70 days ago

Aggressively share your interests with everybody who you think might be receptive to it

find a metal song you like? Send it to your metalhead friends. Find a cool bird? Send it to your bird watcher autist friend, etc.

paganpegasus.bsky.social•70 days ago

Question is how do I get into that mindset? Throughout the day I legitimately forget people other than myself and my wife exist, like it doesn't even occur to me that "Y person might be interested in X thing" because I don't even remember Y person exists until something prompts it, ya know?

rnlg.bsky.social•70 days ago

Ah, I see. Yah, that does seem to be hard to fix.

hypnotwist.bsky.social•70 days ago

This is hard because as much as I appreciate being alone and not needing to talk to people, when I do need to talk to a friend it's kinda just a feeling of "I need someone to talk to". Then sending a meme or a GIF starts the convo better than anything.

zervexon.bsky.social•70 days ago

Man fuck I need the answer to this too 😭

redgolight.bsky.social•70 days ago

In the aspect of remembering friends existing. I keep a friendship journal that has entries of my friends. The only negative is that if I miss place it I freak out because I might forget my friends exist.