As 2024 begins to draw to a close (and not a moment too soon), my thoughts turn to….the fact that I have zero hopeful conclusions about any of the ongoing horrors and it’s a goddamn miracle I’m still writing sentences and not speaking in tongues.
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That would be tough for anyone, at realising the trauma means you can work on ways to comfort when you need it. Hope today and tomorrow, regardless of the year on the calendar, have moments of safety and calm.
I think I'm just done. Let tragedy flow and chaos reign. The system's already trying to kill me with debt anyway and I voted for the right thing, why should I care if the idiots goose-step themselves into oblivion.
May this rat hole country burn to cinders. It's not my fault and I'm done caring.
“My daughter Sabreen needs your help. Due to the war, she is in urgent need of support. Every donation or share of the support link can make a big difference in her life. Thank you for your kindness.”🍉🇵🇸💔🍼
On New Year’s Day this year, I got a call from my dad that my mother, who had been undergoing stage 4 cancer treatment, needed emergency brain surgery. Everything since then has changed. Work is hard for me; my mental health has at times been the worst it’s ever been. I’m doing my best.
I was also diagnosed with c-ptsd due to a pretty terrible divorce less than two years ago; all told, my memory and resilience have taken a pretty big hit. If I’ve been flaky with you or dropped the ball, please know it’s not on purpose.
I think the number of people who realize this is a “real thing” is very low. Solidarity. It’s been a bit longer since mine but I still find it SO HARD to remember things. Anything.
All of this to say, I can’t really pretend everything is magically better come 2025. But I do hope I can move toward feeling like the writer and person I am again - strong, weird, passionate, intense, niche, dorky. The bitch will be back, I swear.
So sorry things have been rough for you. We’ve never met, so all I can say (and I don’t know how much it will help) is that your work as someone who writes passionately and knowledgeably about film is hugely valued. Take care.
Big hugs Christina. Hope 2025 is easier for you. (In my case, I practise unceasing self-care, which means buying Blu-rays, handbags and ridiculously expensive red lipsticks I can't afford. My current plan for when the money runs out is to get euthanised.) xxx
I've not experienced a divorce, but c-ptsd I have. I hope this year is better and you're feeling more like yourself again soon. We're all in this together, even though it's hard to feel like that sometimes. If there's any consolation in it, I appreciate your work.
Ugh, that’s so hard to deal with. I’m in a similar boat (mom stage 4 cancer; treatment not working) and can relate to the mental health suffering. Sending you and yours good vibes
You've been through absolute bleakness. I hope significantly better times are ahead and that grief doesn't subside you. I always go to your thoughts on films.
Personally, I feel like a racecar revving its engine waiting for the start of the race, or maybe more like a prizefighter pacing and shadow boxing before a match.
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So ... that is one observation one can have hope about. (Also fears....)
May this rat hole country burn to cinders. It's not my fault and I'm done caring.
Thank you for sharing and once again take good care and a peaceful Christmas 🌲🧑🎄
“You start with going to sleep… You get up when you like .. you fry 2 eggs”
Start with your own baby steps.
It helps.
Take care Christina
I'm mad as hell and ready to fight.
Bring it on, you festering goons!
I know of no reason the CEO’s treason should ever be forgot.