I think one reason why a lot of women resist feminist insights about the extent and vehemence of men’s misogyny is that they can’t accept how stupid it is.
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I also think a lot of cis women don't understand how men act when they don't think there are any women observing them. I've been undercover with the bastards so long I thought I was one of them for a time. I've heard some *shit*
I'm a person who always wants to really understand things. I came to the conclusion that many people really are incredibly stupid, egoistic and hateful all while hurting themselves with all that. Logic can't explain it.
I think this is a point of convergence with transfeminism too, because it's a perspective that highlights how even the supposed objective biological basis for it all is just a pretext, not a fact.
It's not random, but it is arbitrary. Somehow the idea that oppression is ultimately just contingent and self-justifying makes it worth. A belief that women are oppressed because they're "biologically inferior" and that feminism is here to compensate that lack at best is more comforting than reality
well, you see, that would be true. but it's simply that, most white women prefer to believe their whiteness will bolster them regardless of their gender. so they choose racism.
It took me a lot of time to come to terms with all the empty promises that have been fed to me since childhood. Losing hope in finding that messianic "right man" hurts
It was ingrained in me as a child that men, especially educated ones, know what they are doing better than women. For a long time, I wasn't even aware I thought that.
Nope, nope, nope.
Older age isn't a guarantee for insight. I try not to assume people have come to the conclusions as me.
But I agree, misogyny is so insidious because it becomes naturalized before we get to establish any sense of self.
My mother was a feminist. At 14, I first became aware of the socially accepted incompetence of men when my father accidentally killed her by driving badly. He got a ton of himpathy for that act. It took me longer to see where that unearned trust comes from and how pervasive it is.
For some It’s very painful, it requires a lot of seeing that your mommy and daddy and husband and siblings and everyone all hate you, a little or a lot. Many women will do anything to keep that realization at bay. 💔
It is! The number of women who have been sexually abused and/or physically abused as children, it’s staggering, and with that comes gaslighting, lying lifetimes of coping mechanisms and rings upon rings of enablers who support the abusers & system.
Yeah, like this tracks. It seems like a substantial amount of conservative women seem genuinely dumbfounded why they’re being repeatedly targeted by their own side.
Yep. I think a lot of power imbalances are made way more interesting and complicated than they actually are. Sexism, racism ... 'I'd just prefer to think of myself as superior and for you to serve me.'
Also it requires women to accept own own complicity (even if unintended), which is psychologically hard. It means acknowledging you need to effect deep change in yourself which may feel overwhelming. It’s much easier for some to push that discomfort out onto scapegoats (eg trans people) 😏
Some days I feel like misogyny is the driving force behind all societal phenomena. Other days I realize that's an oversimplification--racism plays a huge role also
More like it’ll make it impossible to interact with men. I get insane abuse hurled at me from left wing men who think they know way better about feminism than they do for merely being morose about toxic masculinity. Imagine how your average everyday white guy would react to a mention of rape culture
They correctly perceive that young men are conditioned as part of toxic masculinity to scorn "feminism". When I was in middle/high school it was a choice: be loudly feminist or have any male friends at all, and social acceptance is more important to them. I grew out of it and I hope they will too.
Speaking plainly, even in my 30s identifying with the term feminist does make me less attractive to men. They hear the word and start cringing and going oh that's toxic or oh you hate men, even though if it's equality they will agree with that. I just value men less now.
Preach! The moment you stop giving a fuck about male attention and affirmation, you realize how fucking unlikeable they are with their misogynist shit.
Yup. Just finishing a class on poetry & feminism and carefully dancing around this. When, a few Days after the election, one of the students went off saying THIS is all about how men hate women they HATE women people HATE women, I was surprised. That has not been in the classroom contract.
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Nope, nope, nope.
But it wasn't taught explicitly. It was just silently assumed by everyone around me when I was a mere child.
But I agree, misogyny is so insidious because it becomes naturalized before we get to establish any sense of self.
My mother was a feminist. At 14, I first became aware of the socially accepted incompetence of men when my father accidentally killed her by driving badly. He got a ton of himpathy for that act. It took me longer to see where that unearned trust comes from and how pervasive it is.
they can define and will support feminism but won’t identify as feminists
more so, sorry this is your lived experience - truly
it also strikes me (in this moment, maybe i’m wrong) that rape culture as a term has subsided bc of what you describe