We can have empathy, or not, for our parents' limited ability, support, or interest in raising us -- but still acknowledge how their lack of investment or skill harmed us. The fact that they weren't prepared for or up to the task of raising you wasn't about you or your fault. - ThreadSky

drdoylesays.bsky.social • 3 days ago

We can have empathy, or not, for our parents' limited ability, support, or interest in raising us -- but still acknowledge how their lack of investment or skill harmed us.

The fact that they weren't prepared for or up to the task of raising you wasn't about you or your fault.

Comments

amstryx.bsky.social•3 days ago

📌

daonlybeanz.bsky.social•2 days ago

No, it’s not, and they did the best they could with the tools they had available, neither knew what they were doing was actually hurting, nor did they know what I was dealing with because it’s all been unknown until the last decade of research! It hurts, yes, but I can make sure that I do different.

altrocks.bsky.social•3 days ago

Their ability to hear, accept, and change it now is what matters, imo. No one can change the past, but if people are unwilling to admit they made mistakes and try to be better, they'll only cause more harm going forward.

daonlybeanz.bsky.social•2 days ago

FACTS

ericconk.bsky.social•3 days ago

That one hits. Took me a long time to separate compassion from self-blame. You can understand why they fell short without excusing the impact it had. Their wounds may explain their behavior, but they don’t erase yours.

daonlybeanz.bsky.social•2 days ago

I’ve found that healing myself has also encouraged the parents to heal themselves (person to person basis of course) and it’s allowed for a better relationship to be built. It’s not always the case, but it’s second best case scenario!

ericconk.bsky.social•2 days ago

I wish I could say the same in my situation.
Sometimes your healing makes other people uncomfortable because it forces them to confront what they’re still avoiding.
Some would rather stay stuck than face what needs to change. Still gotta keep moving forward.

daonlybeanz.bsky.social•2 days ago

Their decision to stay in the mud, isn’t a rope 🫂 you’re still free to flow like a river. 🫂🫂

maitreyaouroboros.bsky.social•2 days ago

My father gave up trying to teach me how to ride a bike after the second try. I didn't learn how to ride a bike until I was 16 years old, when it was time for me to teach my kid sister how to ride a bike.

lynettesd.bsky.social•3 days ago

You can love who they might have been, and hate their shadow side. Their trauma may be a reason for their behavior, but it's not an excuse.

Comments

Posting Rules

Reply