The missus called me into the bedroom to point a small brown lump on the bed. Knowing it was a nugget of shit but not wanting to admit it, I ate it and said it was chocolate.
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1) The big red flag here is referring to your wife as "the missus"
2) While you sound like the sort of disgusting savage that has appalling personal hygiene, nobody believes you are shit. You're simply attention seeking
3) Your wife has my deepest sympathies
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Then retched.
Then a weird kind of vicarious pride about your level of commitment.
What a roller coaster of reactions that was.
You walked straight into that one...
2) While you sound like the sort of disgusting savage that has appalling personal hygiene, nobody believes you are shit. You're simply attention seeking
3) Your wife has my deepest sympathies
She knows.