How Not to Die in a WWII War Movie: 1. Do not have a girl back home. If you do have a girl, do not have a Craftsman catalog and read it longingly dreaming of your future 2. Be mid in your desire to fight the enemy. Not rarin' to go (you'll die in the first skirmish) & not cowardly (poignant death) - ThreadSky

moviessilently.bsky.social • 54 days ago

How Not to Die in a WWII War Movie:

1. Do not have a girl back home. If you do have a girl, do not have a Craftsman catalog and read it longingly dreaming of your future

2. Be mid in your desire to fight the enemy. Not rarin' to go (you'll die in the first skirmish) & not cowardly (poignant death)

Comments

magstheobscure.bsky.social•54 days ago

Don't be too religious or not religious at all

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

Absolutely! You must be absolutely dead center standard because otherwise they'll get a lingering shot of your crucifix or your sudden last minute conversion

magstheobscure.bsky.social•54 days ago

A shot of you holding a door back to save a convent of nuns.

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

3. Do not have any plans. And be careful, these plans can be small. Don't do anything that invites a lingering shot of the significant object you won't be able to complete.

e.g. "I'll fly this mission, save some Doritos for me!"

Later...

(Buddies enter bunk. See the Doritos you will never eat)

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

4. Comedy sidekicks are not safe. Loyal noncoms are not safe. As near as I can tell, the safest profession is the prettiest entertainer in the USO (not the second-prettiest or the wiseacre, she gets a poignant death scene in which she is serious for the first time)

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

5. The safest survival strategy is to be blinded. No other part of your face injured, just your eyes. Then you can survive, come home and have a heartwarming moment when your best girl either accepts you or it's just Movie Blindness and you recover completely.

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

6. Being the clean cut and/or nepo baby is extremely risky. You will either be the only survivor of your unit or you will be cut down and the older, gruffer working class guys will philosophize.

btwnthesepages.bsky.social•54 days ago

Don't be oldest son everyone relies on. Don't be the baby everyone dotes on. And don't be a middle son with something to prove. If you're going to be a middle son, aim for bland, forgettable, hopefully in a group large enough that no one really knows which son you are.

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

Yes, ideally have three brothers and be slightly overlooked but not too overlooked because then you will just be the second middle son with something to prove. Your confident and have a healthy if very slightly distant relationship with your family

montrith.bsky.social•54 days ago

Sadly didn't work for Sergeant Hietanen, who first got blinded and then still had to go through a Poignant Death trying to help others out of a burning ambulance that was carrying wounded soldiers.

Man, that guy really got a raw deal. Shouldn't have been the Kind Hearted Optimist.

misword.bsky.social•54 days ago

for me at least, today is "there's a scene from The Mummy that works as a reply to any post" day, apparently.

nih-llamas.bsky.social•54 days ago

Your best chance to survive any movie is to talk to the camera. They never kill people who talk to the camera.

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

(Soldier dashing around, monologuing to anything, trying to find the camera)

nih-llamas.bsky.social•54 days ago

Look for a wall with nothing touching it. Turn your head and say something like, "that's not how we did it in Philly" or "Bob had a way of making you think about stuff like that."

retrozombi.bsky.social•54 days ago

“Those are Johnny’s Doritos. Nobody eats them”

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

(Sailor screaming, having to be held back when newcomer who doesn't know the rules gets hungry)

"HE ATE JOHNNY'S DORITOS!"

dmitrigheorgheni.bsky.social•54 days ago

7. If you're a veteran, play yourself. Unless you 'aren't convincing enough.'

sailorbp.bsky.social•54 days ago

Worked for Audie Murphy, even though he broke all these rules in real life!

dmitrigheorgheni.bsky.social•54 days ago

Yep - he was definitely not 'mid'.

geoffcasavant.bsky.social•54 days ago

And FOR GOD'S SAKE don't be near the end of your hitch!

umukk.bsky.social•54 days ago

When I was a kid, my big brother would watch WWII ‘B’ movies late at night. The platoon cook, lugging pots and pans and often named Cookie NEVER made the final scene.

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

The wise and kindly doctor whom the captain relied on for good advice didn't have too good of a shot either

umukk.bsky.social•54 days ago

By God, at least they didn’t get William Powell!

eschneider.bsky.social•54 days ago

There's always the Catch-22 option of crashing a lot. It's good practice.

urgocakelord.bsky.social•54 days ago

Under no circumstances should you promise to teach your younger brother any kind of sport or sporting technique, or promise to bring anything home for them.
Also, best not to have a dog on base. (Especially if it's called something they need to cut nowadays.)

moviessilently.bsky.social•54 days ago

That is the kiss of death

aiabx.bsky.social•54 days ago

Make friends with the squadron oddball who keeps crashing. Agree to fly with him, he has a secret plan to escape to Sweden.

mario-y.bsky.social•54 days ago

Also don’t have a traumatic past, for example like your previous unit was wiped out and you’re the sole survivor. You’re gonna overcome it and let go of your guilt, but there’s a good chance you’re gonna get killed in the process