What have We, As A Society, done to women that OP us even questioning this?
DUMP HIM
Any ONE of those 'observations' of his is more than enough justification- not that she needs any. 'Something feels off' is also enough to kick him to the curb.
Make sure he doesn’t have keys to your place, pack up his stuff and meet him elsewhere to break up.
He’s lying about where he’s living and his put downs are reason enough to never see him again.
Negging, emotional abuse, isolation, abuse cycle, trauma bonding, attempts at financial abuse, codependency. Also "living with a relative" could only mean he's financially and/or emotionally unstable or he's married.
I'm sorry but if someone I'm dating can't cope without a reply for 3 hours that's a no go. If you're not watching the kids or I have a reason to get concerned (such as knowing someone is unwell), forget it. It's not anywhere near a proper relationship.
He's been manipulating her from the beginning. Any guy who starts out with the "Woe is me" routine is going to turn into this eventually. They'll want to make sure that her self-esteem is even lower than theirs. The sooner she gets away, the easier and better it will be.
My husband and I are the same ages, what in the actual hell is wrong with him? He is way too old to be acting like this. He's definitely a gold digger out to steal her house and anything he can get. I wonder if he's a drug addict or alcoholic, he's hiding something severe with the negging.
Wasn't diagnosing, just hoping to help those that doubt the totality of their observations. It's not just him being mean, it comes from somewhere fundamentally fucked, and like you're saying, he wants the comfort for himself at her expense. It's okay to see the shit coming and protect yourself.
Dump him. If someone really cares/loves you there is no doubt. No games. No hot and cold. None of that BS. Leave his toiletries in a bag outside. This smacks of romeo scam - trying to get into your life and eventually move in and get money. All while keeping you off your feet w/his remarks. Run.
2 months! A relationship should not be this difficult at 2 months. Where does he get off critisizing your appearance at 2 months.
Dump him. You know his MO now...
It's "crying at the bar" theory - The quickest way to get male attention is to be in obvious distress. Because there's always a predator around looking for the limping gazelle.
And they ALWAYS approach like "Oh no, you're too beautiful and smart and cool to be treated like this!"
It was a red flag right in the beginning where he's telling her he hasn't matched with anyone else. Like I suppose if asked then being honest is the way to go, but unprompted it feels like trying to guilt the person into sticking around. And that was before any of his more real, or bigger, offenses!
This dude read one of those stupid “how to be a player” books, and this is him negging her. That or he took the DENNIS system episode of Sunny seriously.
Run, my dear. This is CLASSIC narc behaviour, starting with the love bombing then slowly but surely destroying your self worth. It's all just a play and they will turn on you the moment you don't instantly fall in line. Narcs are POISON.
What everyone else said (i.e. run) but also, dang, dude doesn't sound like he's expressed any interest or put in any effort whatsoever at actually getting to know her as an individual.
She deserves way better than he is capable of giving.
Ditch the malignant narcissist before it's too late.
Worryingly this is pre-stalker phase. She should break off right now and should know that the very fack she's questioning his behaviour and writing about it is warning enough.
This is so calculated and deliberate. Sandwiching critiques between compliments? Yelling at her and then immediately softening? These are *textbook* techniques for emotional abuse. She needs to dump him before it gets worse.
A message to everyone, including myself: always trust your intuition.
If you’re uncomfortable, even if you can’t logically or consciously discern why — just trust inner self and go.
From her retelling it seems like he's definitely manipulating her and she's right to feel really uncomfortable with him. I'd suggest she change the locks and call it quits. It's only been 2 months so they're barely more than casual acquaintances at this point anyway. Bye-bye little man.
Comments
DUMP HIM
Any ONE of those 'observations' of his is more than enough justification- not that she needs any. 'Something feels off' is also enough to kick him to the curb.
He’s lying about where he’s living and his put downs are reason enough to never see him again.
This is a master manipulator. End of story.
In my younger days, I remember these men found me all the time. Hormones and desire to love had me believing their lies.
He doesn’t want love as you & I understand it. He wants his comforts.
Diagnosing his illness (if he has one) isn’t important. Excising him from her life is.
Dump him. You know his MO now...
And they ALWAYS approach like "Oh no, you're too beautiful and smart and cool to be treated like this!"
Trust your instincts, they don't lie and manipulate.
She deserves way better than he is capable of giving.
Ditch the malignant narcissist before it's too late.
Also, he’s currently living with a woman, probably his wife.
If you’re uncomfortable, even if you can’t logically or consciously discern why — just trust inner self and go.