There's nothing here for her to build a future with. He hates her and everything she represents. She can find someone who will cherish her and support her decisions while raising a wonderful family together.
He considers body mod to be fetish. She's fine as a hot piece but not a mother. He didn't realize a wedding ring would not come with a contract for tattoo removal.
He's so not the one.
She needs to make the "separation" real and follow it immediately with divorce. He's not healthy mentally. He's controlling. He'll abuse his future kids unless they do precisely what he tells them. In general, he's a total wreck and he needs years of therapy and time to work on himself. Just GO!
This, ew, plus the later backtrack(?) of him saying he's not attracted to tattoos? 🤨😒
So, he likes them on women he fantasizes about (🚩), but doesn't like them on his WIFE (🚩)..
That is what I am thinking. I am thinking she is beautiful and had all of these physical traits he likes as a sexual fetish, and he is a Loser Back Home like they say on The White Lotus, a complete trainwreck and mail ordered her or went on a sex tour.
My OTT thoughts on this: He got his affair partner pregnant so now he's shit-testing her to see if she will raise the kid despite it not being hers.
If it doesn't work here, he will just leave her for the other woman.
Why would she have children with someone who is disgusted by her choices wrt her body and appearance???? It sucks that she saw his real self on a different country ☹️
I am trying so, SO hard to find the part that explains WHY they are married/remain married because WTF.
There is no love here, he's cheated, he is literally nitpicking fundamental things about her THAT HE KNEW ABOUT.
Girl, just end this 'relationship'. He is not worth it.
That man is expressing pure contempt for his wife - for who she is as a person. It’s one of the “4 horsemen” in Gottman’s theory for predicting the death of a relationship. (The others are criticism, defensiveness & stonewalling). I don’t see this resolving in therapy. Time to leave. I’m sorry. 😢
Yes, this is one of those discussions you have before marriage to weed out these red flags. He doesn't like her, nor respect her choices. Having children with this man would be bad for all concerned, especially the children.
That weeding out prior to marriage requires that both parties are honest at that point though, and OP alludes to the fact that they have previously had these discussions where he has not been. (Red flag folk are often prone to hiding their red flags until they feel they’ve secured their prize)
Men like him objectify women but have a hard time getting one, so when they do they flatter her endlessly bc he can objectify her sexually. She thinks he actually likes or even loves her, and he has actually viewed her as less than human the entire time.
The issue I have is when she wrote he openly said to her his thoughts abt her getting more tattoos & claimed she'd end this relationship if she knew his stance. Girlie, he told you, you just kept idealizing him, hoping he'll change. Now you have proof he won't, run
If I'm ever fortunate enough to be a dad, I really hope our children are like my wife. She's the best part of my life in every way.
More than that, I hope my children grow up to be who they want to be, not some idealized conception I could create of them. It's their life to live, not mine.
It sounds like he never did, but held his nose and kept quiet about it until he had her in his country (with some bridges burned, it sounds like) and committed to him.
He married her thinking he could change her, & that’s why he wasn’t honest about his views on tattoos & piercings. He wanted a trad wife & married a normal woman &is now salty she won’t conform to his vision of a perfect wife. She needs to run & not sleep with him while she’s obtaining the divorce.
I cannot believe she is rationalizing any of this. She basically just described a man who hates her. Big vibes of Trump supporter type whinging in the manosphere about women with body modifications.
Hopefully she dumps his ass. If he finds her so unappealing that he's worried about their kids being like her, then that's not a relationship worth saving.
Comments
DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH THIS MAN.
Get on long term hormonal contraception yesterday.
He's so not the one.
So, he likes them on women he fantasizes about (🚩), but doesn't like them on his WIFE (🚩)..
If it doesn't work here, he will just leave her for the other woman.
Then why did he go after her in the first place?
but also, I misread "trickle truthed" as "tickle truthed" and was very confused for a moment.
There is no love here, he's cheated, he is literally nitpicking fundamental things about her THAT HE KNEW ABOUT.
Girl, just end this 'relationship'. He is not worth it.
They could both be happier with people who appreciate them and their values.
Don't stay with people who don't like you, unless you like being treated badly.
Some of us married our wives with the expressed purpose of trying to make more people who were just like her.
More than that, I hope my children grow up to be who they want to be, not some idealized conception I could create of them. It's their life to live, not mine.