Been thinking about the balance between staying informed of the latest atrocities and maintaining my own personal mental health enough to function, like. At all On the one hand, I am lonely as hell and I miss the warm sense of being seen, being heard, being *known* - ThreadSky

quicksilvre.bsky.social • 120 days ago

Been thinking about the balance between staying informed of the latest atrocities and maintaining my own personal mental health enough to function, like. At all

On the one hand, I am lonely as hell and I miss the warm sense of being seen, being heard, being *known*

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quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

& if that feeling is only less now than it was on the bird app before (back when it already sucked, but for less horrifying reasons), it's only because I haven't spent enough time here to look for all the people I lost, either via the platform switch, or to the fog of memory loss.

I still feel it.

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

I miss people desperately but I'm honestly terrified of trying to interact with people one on one

My brain gets overloaded with trying to game out what to say and how they might respond & the only way to win that game is not to play

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

There's the healthy way to not play the game, which is to just fuckin talk to people, just get over myself and do it, acknowledge that it's been a while since I lost contact and just say a thing, and handle their response and my feelings about it after it happens,

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

And the unhealthy way to not play the game, which is convincing myself that I don't actually need to talk to people at all. Which is what I've been doing.

The bird site used to be a pretty good chat room in the sense of, it used to be a place I could go to talk to myself to talk to people

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

But it's like... It used to be like getting into a hot spring next to a river. The river was big & fast & cold & treacherous but I needed it to go places

But whenever I needed I talk to people, I could slip into my own little warm toasty pool of Online, relax & play & be comforted by my friends

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

Sometimes there were storms and floods and we took shelter together, telling stories to find courage and hope from the knowledge that we were not alone

& I would love to be doing that right now but trying to do that feels like trying to build a house during a monsoon

psopheigh.bsky.social•120 days ago

No need to reply!

Just wanted to say that this resonates really hard. I don’t know if it’s my (recently diagnosed!) AuDHD or garden variety anxiety, but I post/reply only ~5% of the time I actually want to for this very reason. Knowing friends also struggle with this makes it a bit easier for me. 💚

hubbit.blog•120 days ago

<3 (very similar experience for me on all counts) (Also, I've retreated SO MUCH just because everything is so much, and it didn't used to be that way and I miss that. )

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