akhonji.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

30 Grotesque new leers for the Spring Season

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In This Issue . . . Leaving the Carcass Behind: Three ways to transpose YOUR earthly vessels into the world of forms. Expert Advice: An Easy Guide to Principalities Choosing the right Apparatus Positioning FAQs And More

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An unexpected, morbid portent has the whole crew considering illness, aging, and mortality

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This is your Mental Health (MH) Meter. Fill it up all the way, and you can choose a devastating move from the Psych Break Menu to use on the unlucky so-and-so's you're in combat with.

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Whilſt we abſolutely forbid Garlick entrance into our Salleting [salad], by reaſon of its intolerable Rankneſs, and which made it ſo deteſted of old; that the eating of it was part of the Puniſhment for ſuch as had committed the horrid'ſt Crimes.

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Grown man on the verge of tears, stumbling over words trying to explain something called "Shrimp Paradise" to the grocery store cashier

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Apprentice locked me out of the brewery area. He's grinning at me through the window and supping on our stores (syrups, juices, brewers wort, honeys, mouthfuls of hops, must, etc.)

submitted 28 days ago • 1 comment

The whole gathering falls from quiet murmurs to reverent silence as I kneel before the high priest to receive the holy sigil, known to the common folk as the Mark of the Golden Douche

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"My lord! Grave news concerning your armies!" Are they now carrion for the dogs and birds? "They are now carrion for the dogs and– I mean, yes, my lord." (groaning, head in hands) I hate the horse peoples so fucking much, dude.

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Playing Mario as a kid really led me to underestimate the number of turtles I'd have to stomp/crush underfoot on a daily basis

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Carelessly walked across a big patch of asphalt and now I'm being slowly lifted into the sky by a thermal.

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Getting some craving done. Eternally seeking fresh delight

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Carefully nibbling off the crust from the two baguettes, Jack Sprat style, in the Panera vestibule

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i told basho about a leaf i watched fall off a tree and he said "uh huh" without looking up from his phone

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"Making guacamole as a side for dinner"? It sounds like you said "Guacamole for dinner"

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They call them "demon shrimp" but never bother explaining that bugs have very little capacity for evil. Pre-moral. Their neighboring shellfish, the mollusks, on the other hand, such an accusation might be borne out

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Omelet-lovers and other haters will say it's fake, but pie breakfast is not only real but here to stay

submitted 100 days ago • 1 comment

Big write up about me came out today

submitted 103 days ago • 4 comments

The thing they don't tell you about the original Grimm's fairytales is they're all titled something like "The Bone, the Knapsack, and Gerhold the Stupid Child"

submitted 105 days ago • 3 comments

Sorry I missed your call. I was discovering an assortment of crystalline wonders

submitted 107 days ago • 3 comments

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKHa... @questabandoner.bsky.social got his album posted on Fresh Out the Dungeon, give it a listen over there! I drew the album art for it ❤️

submitted 115 days ago • 2 comments

They're putting soup pangs as an under-recognized symptom of seasonal affective disorder in the next DSM.

submitted 121 days ago • 1 comment

Brushing up on my grunts and rhythmic wheezes for the eefing contest next week.

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I hate when BONES die

submitted 126 days ago • 1 comment

"The hills have eyes" is a cautionary tale about having some stuff

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(Unaware of the freshly inflicted Poisoned condition sitting at 2h 59m, beaming at his worst enemy) I can't believe you thought to pack an extra thermos out here to share. Must be my lucky day

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Just finished aging a vat of stillness when my new apprentice decides to bring a crate of short-dated bottles of eager motion across the catwalk

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The Commercialization of Pure Land Buddhism: How Amitabha Lost His Discernment

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(Stage whisper, staring at rice being hammered into sticky paste in a big mortar): I wish that was me

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Learning a new DAW. it's like standing on the verge of a well, unable to discern the bottom

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They don't pay me, but bright side is I get to groan and turn the rusty crank. It's not so good having to share a break/lamentation room with the rest of the unclean spirits in the department though

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From the marketing demigods who brought you Maruchan Spicy Chicken Funyuns... Hellman's Flavor Elmer's White Glue

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Close-up magician's act at an Ambassador's retirement party accidentally reignites the Falklands War

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They're pressing me to death under some big stones. I didn't do any crimes, they're just having a little fun with it

submitted 197 days ago • 1 comment

Becoming violently ill after learning the mushroom wine I've been swilling all night was fermented by a demihuman (one of the gross little ones, not even one of the nice kinds)

submitted 197 days ago • 1 comment

If what you need is to bring a system into disorder, you can't go wrong with the arrow of time.

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Guy beside your car takes a long hit off of a monster vape at a stoplight. He wiggles his eyebrows at you, exhales a giant cloud of pitch black smoke, and slumps onto the steering wheel, completely dead

submitted 202 days ago • 3 comments

(Buddha, in his famous standup set) How many of y'all experience suffering?

submitted 203 days ago • 10 comments

Wisdom is to recognize that you can reprogram yourself, because you're programmed already.

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Evil wizard in the second act of the campaign is something called a 'turdmancer'. You're never going to guess what kind of curse he put the Baron's keep under

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Our deli offers cured ham- not with anything so base as salt or brine. Cured in the sense that a patient is cured

submitted 204 days ago • 1 comment