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alexjsquire.bsky.social
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Four months ago the receptionist asked "Mondays are good? Three o'clock?" I said "that's perfect" and she said she'd call with a reminder. Great. Anyway, that's why I'll be spending my 50th birthday getting my teeth cleaned.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

fuck this shitstain province, i hate you all

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

tried to sell two ice creams with like two chewing gums in it for nine pound. got nowhere with that

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

every single stand-up host is like "i'll just do five off the top, i wanna get out of here" and then does half an hour

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

the snow really highlights how much dog piss we live among

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

feeling like an old man on the sandwiches subreddit bc everyone calls dagwoods "scooby doo sandwiches"

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

If Toronto can do this for suburban driveways, we can do this for pedestrian intersections and transit stops too.

submitted 16 days ago • 3 comments

do crop tops exist outside of toronto comedy?

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

This is something @maritstilesndp.bsky.social and @bonnieforontario.bsky.social should be on, daily. Doug in Musk's pocket is not "fighting" them. The ads should be about all the things he does EXCEPT his job. Months long vacations, meddling in municipal affairs, international trade.

submitted 17 days ago • 2 comments

saw a sign that said "proudly made in Ontario" and it was for pork rinds

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

ok webster, first thing i'm looking up is "concise"

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

There are people who buy tickets to comedy shows just because they want to hear someone say slurs into a microphone. That's a category of comedy show ticket buyer. And when they feel safe, and are given what they want, they will cheer way louder than the people who love jokes.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

i know i'm going to be downvoted into oblivion for this but not guilty your honour

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

director's cuts exist to show that studio notes are good

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

the other day i got a Canadian Eh slice at Pizza Pizza and i saluted it before every bite

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

For years I thought I was a loser, but as I've gotten older I've come to realise that you're a loser.

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

this video is a bummer youtu.be/5RpPTRcz1no?...

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Unfortunately the Constitution did not foresee a situation where the president does whatever he wants and says "What are you gonna do about it dork"

submitted 29 days ago • 643 comments

episode of handmaid's tale where a canadian moves to gilead to pursue stand-up comedy

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

someone was saying "i was just telling a story about you" and i asked "was i being nice in the story?" and he said no and then told me the story anyway

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

every 5'4" comic is like man it's tough being 5'5"

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

my favourite type of cream cone is ice

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

choosing to not read the room today

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

This is currently the only social media that isn't explicitly right wing. Currently.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

my walk home from work is eighteen What Was I Made Fors long

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

your healing crystals come from a mountain that was blown up with dynamite so greedy people could sell magic rocks to gullible people

submitted 42 days ago • 1 comment

hey can we get a little pepper on these roads

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

hey can we get a little pepper on these roads

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

we follow each other on most social media but i wouldn't dream of asking my best friend his reddit handle

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Can a headline alone be eligible for a Pulitzer?

submitted 45 days ago • 787 comments

devastated to announce diet pepsi is better than diet coke

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

my signature move is writing my name

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

white people will literally open a pizza shoppe that is only open five days a week and closes at 8pm

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

The first man your mum goes out with after the divorce comes through

submitted 49 days ago • 6 comments

richest man in the world: transphobia president: transphobia social media owners: transphobia comedian not afraid to say the unsayable and challenge received wisdoms: transphobia 😉

submitted 51 days ago • 5 comments