annexworks.bsky.social
fka "Pixelon", using "annexworks" now
I'm a designer + photographer
here to chat with friends
for work: www.annex.works
208 posts
91 followers
273 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
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I've been at it for six months too, got my BA and ten years of design experience... None of that seems to matter
Four interviews (got none of them) and nearly all for positions that are severely underpaying for the ludicrous amount of work they expect
I really don't know what to do
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None of that is an issue, but this being that I am is perhaps never going to be appealing enough for anyone, never enough, never attractive
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I'm at peace with being enough for myself because I'm comfortable with the person I am, I enjoy being me and have no guilt about the feelings I feel and the things that I know and all that I enjoy and dislike
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Maybe I should be content enough with being remembered, even if barely, but I think I have the right to desire something more than to simply hold memory in someone
I want to matter to someone
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I always know it's just a matter of time before people forget about me and perhaps from time to time they'll remember something about me and perhaps they'll feel good enough to send a message but the discomfort of being far will never be enough for them to reconnect
I'm, at best, a memory
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I guess this is how dreams die, huh? With a whimper
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Even if I couldn't have a relationship with someone, I'd be happy enough if I had a close support group, but I don't, I'm the most isolated I've ever been
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Friendship by itself is so complicated, always feeling like I'm close to having a real deal friend and never feeling like it'll last
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I've tried very hard not to take it personally because realistically it probably has nothing to do with me but I'll always feel like perhaps I'm just not good enough for others and may never be
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For what it's worth, I appreciate your thought. There's a lot there that I resonate with and I'd often thought I was the only one feeling it. Thank you for saying something.
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All of this is enough to think that there's more than a few folks out there that need a well deserved fist to the face until their noggin clicks back into working order
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Also insane to think that living in a country is enough reason to not have criticism of it and yet more insane when people tell others to "leave if you don't like it" as if somehow that's sane to suggest
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It's crazy to inflict this level of cynicism, indifference, and hostility toward your fellow man in a situation where realistically you're no better off than anyone else (unless if you're so wealthy that finances are no longer measured in dollars but in assets)
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If an 80 year old woman is working doordash to make ends meet, it must be because she's made bad financial decisions, she's a drug abuser, etc and never because the system has failed even our most elderly
Somehow there are those who think said woman deserves this because this is what she "chose"
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I am simply a tender person who would like to be doted on, I don't ask for much, maybe a cup of water
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Or if you want someone who gets emotional at sunsets and clouds, I am also your boy
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If anyone is looking for a boy who wants to simultaneously talk about the political parallelisms and the literary artistry of One Piece, I am your boy
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Is this thinking into it too much? Yeah, likely, but if it gives me a moment of pause as I'm walking down a street and it has me in awe, maybe that's all that matters. At least I know I'm fully invested in the experience of being alive. So much in our life has a price but this doesn't.
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And they manage to make us feel so small under the right circumstances, they humble us if we allow them to. To spectate the immense and immaculate and remember how inconsequential we are.
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Picture this: space is so large we can't really understand it, it's just so vast. But clouds are measured and finite in scale, yet larger than anything we could create. So we see these structures in the sky, infinitely beautiful and beyond perfection...
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In a world where verticality doesn't really exist except for skyscrapers, I like to view clouds as a structure beyond what humans could ever hope to achieve
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This was supposed to be a more pro-facing account but I don't think I care anymore
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Most people are too blind to see it until it's in the rear view, but if we're lucky most will snap out of the indifferent daze to see where we truly are right now
I hope
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And just about everything we should be able to give a damn about, including your fellow people
I've been fucking pissed for so long
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I'm dying for a fucking break from this bitch of a life