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awesomeaudrey.com
Londoner via Texas. Here for the LOLs. Owned by a dog.
50 posts 98 followers 304 following
Prolific Poster

If only there had been some way to know that these people were only loyal to themselves and would destroy anything and everyone on a whim to serve their own self-interests, if only there had been some warnings, like years of plainly observable words and actions, but alas,

Due to global warming, Meltdown May is now five days longer.

must be incredibly frustrating and disheartening to have federal funding that was promised to you for important work suddenly and arbitrarily ripped away

why not decommission it the usual way: launching it into a million pieces over protected wetlands

I'm just glad one of these men has the nuclear codes and the other has all our personal data.

Incredible things happening in the universe today

Is this real life?

Men are too emotional to use social media

Vin Diesel separates his laundry into two loads: 1. Colourfast 2. Colourfurious

“WHO YOU CALLING A BUNCH OF PANSIES?!?”

adding our safe word to my password manager

actually fast food refers to the speed at which it passes through you

finally found a boat I can afford

the need for the inclusion of the graphic is a sad reminder of the shockingly low literacy rate among geese

decades-long manhunt finally ends

this is like the time i got a new label maker

Vin Diesel separates his laundry into two loads: 1. Colourfast 2. Colourfurious

This ends Chicago’s 266 pope losing streak

A Chicago Pope implies the existence of an MLA Pope and APA Pope

Robot lawnmower.

Just what I needed in my life.

Taurus: You'll never outlive your mistakes, so make them count.

A zombie apocalypse story where everyone still has to keep showing up for work and paying bills the whole time

Your tariff rate is your star sign divided by the number of boys you've kissed, multiplied by one

useful article from @mallory.techpolicy.social.ap.brid.gy and @awdsome.bsky.social on the state of play of robots.txt, AI preference signals, and more: www.techpolicy.press/robotstxt-is... - also highlights that whatever happens with (c), there will be a tussle of technical measures & counters

But it can’t bring back my son

oh, has a global superpower been threatening to invade it lately?

Just got invited to a Google Doc titled plan4war_FINALFINAL2 from someone named Waltz?

Circling back on this…

In another blow to legacy media, I'm hearing that the Trump administration plans to remove The Atlantic from its war-plans group chat. The outlet will be replaced in the chat by the Gateway Pundit.

JUST FYI EVERYONE, IF YOU SEE A POST THAT SAYS IT LINKS TO LUIGI MANGIONE'S SEX TAPE DON'T CLICK ON IT!! THERE'S A VIRUS THAT PUTS EVERYTHING YOU TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS

Pleasure cruises imply the existence of pain cruises

TO: <ALL STAFF> Please respond to this email confirming that I am cool and funny. Failure to do so will be taken as confirmation of the same.

One of the funniest things about Spock is that once every seven years he gets so horny that he might blow up the ship or strangle the captain to death in pure horny fury but he doesn’t really think to let anyone know about it even though it’s been six and a half years since it happened last.

your eweber has arrived

Prius at 0:16 doing the ope let me sneak by you real quick

Save money this Valentine's Day by being unlovable

looking back, AOL had it right. 30 hours of internet per month was the right amount.

DISEASES ERADICATED OR DECIMATED BY SCIENCE: 1. Chickenpox 2. Diphtheria 3. Measles 4. Pertussis 5. Pneumococcal Infection 6. Polio 7. Tetanus 8. Typhoid 9. Yellow Fever 10. Smallpox DISEASES ERADICATED OR DECIMATED BY RFK JR. OR PRAYER: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

someday we will have the technology to turn the plastic accumulating in each of our brains into a personalized McDonald’s happy meal toy but until then we must continue gathering

Elon Musk is a terrible president.

the two wolves inside of me are both lone wolves which makes this current situation untenable

I could accept everyone becoming dumber if we were also becoming nicer (golden retriever-fication) instead of getting more evil

wealth can buy you the presidency and the most global influence ever witnessed in history but it’s clear that wealth, no matter how much you accumulate, cannot ever make you funny