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azedand2knots.bsky.social
Horrors and hot dogs. (she/they) Latest https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kpnkmducrwtq3ly4miy3ymoe/feed/aaajole3giqdq Random https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kpnkmducrwtq3ly4miy3ymoe/feed/aaadr7exzc3rw
3,398 posts 14,436 followers 1,375 following
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Posts 39 Comments 8

it all went to shit after we collectively made "don't worry be happy" a #1 song in 1988

submitted 14 hours ago • 15 comments

I can't prove it but I think kids scream so much because they get a split second glimpse of their future

submitted 9 hours ago • 8 comments

The summer crowd has arrived. Locals, be sure to tailgate them mercilessly. Use painted rocks, bathtub Madonnas, and retired lobster pots as landmarks when giving directions. Remind them that strip clams are for the weak.

submitted 12 hours ago • 5 comments

Letting the blue goo sit on my hair is the time thoughts begin to float 'round the ol' cranium. Stuff like: What's in this blue goo? (and) Should I eat just a little of this blue goo?

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Hat Chris. Like regular Chris, but with Hat.

submitted 13 hours ago • 4 comments

wasps don't sting me, and I don't sting them either

submitted 13 hours ago • 9 comments

Cheerful music plays as Elmo and a random celebrity sit in a beautiful red room with wallpaper showing a frog sitting by a pond with a rainbow in the background. "The word of the day is nihilism" Elmo says in a strangely deep voice. The lights go out. None of this matters. There is no meaning here.

submitted 15 hours ago • 1 comment

Getting a lot more action as far as nods go since changing my bio from inactive creator to watches old kung fu movies

submitted 17 hours ago • 6 comments

sometimes I’ll sit on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is slapping me in the face to remind me that I still unfortunately exist in this timeline

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

I think it is bullshit that we have to sleep when there are so many more things that can get us when we are not awake.

submitted 21 hours ago • 3 comments

Brunch is for brimps.

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

Nice horrors you got there. Be a real shame if they….persisted

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

World War 3 kinda sucks, but you know, it was either this or pronouns

submitted 1 day ago • 397 comments

The real travesty is a snickerdoodle is a kind of cookie and not a dog made out of chocolate, peanuts, and creamy nougat

submitted 22 hours ago • 2 comments

rethinking the whole giving up day drinking

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

are your homies shit stained? just admit it you have shit stained homies

submitted 366 days ago • 1 comment

My dear child you will have to face the consequences of your actions Unless of course you are rich or in government then go for it Be your worst

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

wanna feel old? 9/11 was yesterday

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

*incoherent screaming*

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Put the “Christ” back in “Christofascist dictatorship”

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

"NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEACE," she shouts, punching a Skarsgard in the head for no reason whatsoever.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Currently working on my beach body (dressing up a skeleton to look like a pirate guarding their treasure).

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

remember in school when you were advised to pick on the biggest, angriest, strongest kid in class and then they made peace with you

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

I scream, you scream, we all scream. welcome to primal scream therapy.

submitted 1 day ago • 16 comments

[phone rings] Me: hello Stevie Wonder: I love you Me: oh, hey, I love you too man SW: Me: so what’s up? SW: nuthin Me: um, did you have something else to say? SW: nah, that’s it Me: ok, so i guess I’ll talk to you later? SW: ok, bye Me: bye

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

A new board game called American Politics where you pull out the board game, get dealt your money, then some guy comes in and beats the living fuck out of you and steals your actual money before slapping you in the face with a water balloon full of microplastics.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

me: i like to live on the edge U2's guitarist: would somebody please get this guy off of me

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

i want it to always be the weekend, and i want bernie sanders to be president [genie with one airpod in who got the job because his dad owns the magic lamp factory] weekend at bernie’s president, got it

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

When a part of the body suffers catastrophic damage, other parts may reorganize to assume what functions have been lost. What's left of him took over after he crimped his pizzle in the screen door.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

You can kick ass or you can take names but you can't do both because this is just a first generation sidescrolling substitute teacher game

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

giving my blood to the Coca-Cola Company to help make the new Dasani Red

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

Yeah, I like them thick. The thicker the better. I mean what's the point of thin sliced bologna

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

we have a president that makes doomsday preppers look like clairvoyants

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

*being eaten by a shark* debate me you coward

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

getting my "proud member of the human race" tattoo covered up

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

THE NEW YORK TIMES: Donald Trump Just Bombed Iran and Started World War III. Here’s Why You Should Blame Immigrants and Trans Athletes For This.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Just won a rap battle against the laundry basket.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Beer is what happens when bread gives up on being food and instead decides to brighten your evening.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Pulling the lint from the dryer filter in one sheet is better than sex. Of note, I’ve not had the sex in a very long time.

submitted 1 day ago • 27 comments