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bethecookie.bsky.social
Possibly not a cookie, but definitely a Cookie
20 posts 53 followers 59 following
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I wrapped a string around my finger to remember something, but I never recalled what, so it remains there like an engagement ring to forgetfulness

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

It was the worst of Grimes, it was the worst of Grimes

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

just had one of the top five best glasses of milk i’ve ever had in my life

submitted 4 hours ago • 7 comments

I like my eggs poached. Like from a platypus or something.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

Do they call them matches because they all look the same?

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

Thinking of becoming a financial advisor, like my father was at one point. Give me some money, and I’ll give you some advice about what to do with your remaining 15%

submitted 3 hours ago • 3 comments

“Why don't you run for office?” Well, that would be too many butthole skeets to delete and like two of them are keepers.

submitted 3 hours ago • 2 comments

I've wanted Mitch McConnell to drop dead for so long, but at this point, I hope he lives long enough to be tried for his part in founding and abetting MAGA.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

we need more interludes sometimes mid interlude I think this interlude could really benefit from an interlude and possibly yet another interlude interspersed there betwixt the intersected interlude for I inevitably find myself missing the interlude regardless of when we resume the post lude

submitted 3 hours ago • 3 comments

I like to meditate and raise my vibration, then go around poking people in the third eye.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Bullets made from the withheld love of your absent father, so when you get shot it doesn't put a hole in your heart but fills one instead.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

me: well it’s that one time each year where i print a document on the home printer cyan toner cartridge: oh really

submitted 18 hours ago • 13 comments

If you checked out the spot but had to dip cuz it was mid, your check was returned for insufficient funs.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

What if the wave pool reveals itself as a giant blender?

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

If there was a God, Mike Johnson would turn into a pillar of salt.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

They said I could be anything, so I became a yodeling gynecologist.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Tats for tits.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Can Yellowstone blow already?

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

CRAZY UNHINGED ASSHOLE SAYS WHAT?

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

HOLD👏HIM👏IN👏CONTEMPT

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

I think Trump might be in love with Biden.

submitted 23 hours ago • 0 comments

You say por-cue-pine instead of porky-pine? lol, okay, college boy.

submitted 23 hours ago • 4 comments

Heard St Patrick is driving your boyfriend out of Ireland

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

Let's not forget that today is also St. Patty's Day. The American national holiday to celebrate the patron saint of burgers.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

Life is just a series of profound losses, and then you die.

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

me: my skeets are complete garbage reply guy: that is offensive to actual garbage

submitted 21 hours ago • 2 comments

My own version of an extreme sport is making it to the front door before my neighbour talks to me.

submitted 20 hours ago • 4 comments

If there is a god, I will be reincarnated as a muppet.

submitted 20 hours ago • 5 comments

pretty good day to look adversity in the face and kick it’s ass

submitted 20 hours ago • 3 comments

I have never listened to a single podcast but, yes, I'm super excited to listen to yours...

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

Happy St. Patty’s Day Show me your shillelagh

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

Disinformation is so frustrating to me, even if when it’s used against people I disagree with or if it's something trivial. For example, a few years ago, there was a viral video claiming that peeling a banana from the non-stem side is the correct way because monkeys do it this way.

submitted 19 hours ago • 3 comments

3 hours into a 12-hour fast for blood work and I'm already grouchy

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

I hope I don't run into my neighbor from Ireland today because I don't know if it's rude to tell him happy St Patrick's Day or rude not to.

submitted 19 hours ago • 1 comment

Her: I’m sorry. We just don’t have good chemistry. Me: *𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘶𝘣𝘦𝘴* Sure seems like I’m the only one trying here, Brenda

submitted 213 days ago • 3 comments

Science. God's way of telling us he doesn't exist.

submitted 457 days ago • 5 comments

Alexa, you didn’t say uno!

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

sometimes i like to think about the old west, cowboys and horseboys grazing and galloping freely and playing freeze tag

submitted 19 hours ago • 2 comments

the morning alarm is the biggest betrayal

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

McDonald's secret sauce is so different and exotic you could travel to a Thousand Islands and never find anything like it.

submitted 119 days ago • 3 comments

[at restaurant] Hello. My name is Adventure, and I'll be your awaiter this evening.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Can we organize a ceasefire where the Tesla protests end if Musk rescinds his US citizenship and leaves?

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Trial and error might get a little dangerous in regards to the flaming trebuchet dart development process

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Deconstruction of the Parasocial Simulacra Deep State

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

In hindsight it was a mistake to tell my daughter that at night her hamster Scruffers transforms into a ravenous ghoul

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

It’s a good thing I don’t own a sword since there are entirely too many plausible scenarios that end with my using it.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The MAGA movement is a movement in the same way as a bowel movement.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

I gave you a noogie so now you have to give me one fair is fair

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Caught a cosmic ray on my tongue

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

John Lennon was killed, and Trump is overthrowing the government. It's no wonder the aliens don't reveal themselves.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment