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bradlocke.bsky.social
Sports writer who once gave Heisman winner Andre Ware bad directions to a press box bathroom. | Recovering Calvinist.
340 posts 155 followers 293 following
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100 gorillas vs. Chuck Norris

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

ME: I used to love fishing when I was young. DATE: Did you fish with your dad? ME: No I mostly used lures HER: Check PLEASE!

submitted 6 days ago • 6 comments

I’m drunk at 6 pm and watching Letterkenny get on my level

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Did you hear about the ghost who suffered a terrible fright? He was … scared sheetless.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

ERIC LIDDELL: When I run, I feel His pleasure. ME: Nah man, that’s just the endorphins

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

If Norman Bates was in Die Hard, he'd be like, "Yippie-ki-yay, Mother."

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

If white people have no culture then explain mayonnaise

submitted 9 days ago • 13 comments

🎶 The best part of waking up Is going back to sleep 🎶

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Would someone who looks just like Al Capone be his ... döppelgangster?

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Someone who paints portraits of criminals is a con artist *runs into traffic*

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

White smoke from the Vatican CAN mean that there’s a new Pope but don’t overlook the possibility that it needs a new head gasket

submitted 12 days ago • 17 comments

Dracula takes communion straight from the source

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

I'm so hungry I could eat the whole body of Christ

submitted 14 days ago • 9 comments

DATE: So tell me something about yourself ME: I like to call frozen burgers 'brrrgers' HER: I need to see other people

submitted 15 days ago • 3 comments

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, I guess, but hell if I know how they got inside a light bulb

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

ME: How many tattoos have you done TATTOO ARTIST: idk ME: I NEED YOUR TAT STATS STAT

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

I’m the softest badass you’ll ever meet

submitted 17 days ago • 1 comment

“Skibidi skeet skidoo,” he whispered seductively

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

the McRib is proof that people will get excited about a piece of dog shit if it's only available for a limited time

submitted 17 days ago • 4 comments

If I ever complete my M Night Shyamalan collection I won’t tell anyone, but there will be Signs

submitted 17 days ago • 2 comments

STRIPPER: You wanna come to the champagne room? ME: Is it time to get fizzical? HER: Get out!

submitted 21 days ago • 4 comments

Florida’s Will Richard goes by Will Dick for short

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

*packing for a trip* these 5 pair of underwear are for the trip and these 37 pair are in case I'm stranded on a desert island

submitted 29 days ago • 9 comments

Having to pick between two minerals is an either ore situation.

submitted 26 days ago • 2 comments

Ha, joke’s on you, I don’t even have a 401k

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

My biggest rule when it comes to writing a story on a tight deadline is this: Don’t make love to it, just fuck it and file it.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

if you see a gravedigger in a movie but they aren't seen digging a grave is there a plot hole?

submitted 503 days ago • 10 comments

When a horse is getting married they have a bridle party

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

[fozzie bear hangs up the phone with a sad look on his face] not my cloaca-wacka-wacka

submitted 46 days ago • 3 comments

HORSE: just got fitted for new shoes, please clop

submitted 341 days ago • 3 comments

Green beer is just leprechaun piss.

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

[First day of helicopter school] (Me, zipping fly back up): I believe I have made a mistake

submitted 51 days ago • 13 comments

[based on extensive research] TEXTS THAT DON'T DESERVE A RESPONSE FROM FRIENDS: - checking in, how are you? ❤️ - i feel depressed - should I cut my own hair? - love you - my cousin died in a tragic, fiery accident TEXTS THAT DO - [an image of two shrimps holding martinis captioned "FRIENDSHRIMP"]

submitted 51 days ago • 11 comments

The Bettlejuice is loose

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

Not today, Satan. Tomorrow should work, tho.

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

Twitter is down this morning, probably cos it’s the Tesla of social media.

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

International Women's Day? No thanks, I prefer my women AMERICAN.

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments

OFFICER, THAT PERSON'S PRONOUNS JUST MURDERED ME

submitted 58 days ago • 12 comments

“All my eggses lives in Texxes” - Country Gollum

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

When a Russian completes training to be a maid are they called a linen grad?

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

Tbh I’ve never known drama to be mellow.

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

If someone says “Right about now” and you don’t immediately interject with “funk soul brother” are you even white?

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

Fuck squirrels

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

gulf of plaxico burress* *located in his right thigh

submitted 66 days ago • 1 comment

Do us all a favor and learn to love yourself, you pathetic sack of shit

submitted 69 days ago • 2 comments