buzbee.bsky.social
Content Creator | 🏳️🌈 Nonbinary Bi Ace | They/them | ♑ INFJ | OW/Variety | Military Spouse 💍 | Chronic Pain/Fatigue | Neurodivergent | PNW | E-mail in Linktree
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Part four: Aromantic
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Someone being aromantic doesn't give you the right to ask invasive questions, but if they decide to talk about their experience, you should always listen and not make assumptions.
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Aromantic people are not cold or emotionless, they aren't broken. Aromantics can and do live fulfilling and happy lives without the incorporation of romantic relationships, or relationships in general if they're also aplatonic and/or asocial.
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Aromantic people may also be part of non-romantic committed relationships without labeling them as QPRs, which is also just as valid.
Overall, it's important to understand that aromanticism is a spectrum, and each individual aromantic person will be different.
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QPRs are different than friendships because you wouldn't share bills with your friends, you wouldn't buy a house with them, you wouldn't plan your career around them, you wouldn't get pets with them, ect.
If you would, perhaps you have a new question to ask yourself.
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Queerplatonic relationships (QPRs) are very specific to the people that are partaking in them, and can and will look different from one QPR to another.
One way they can look is living together, sharing bills and life plans, but not having dates and/or other romantic gestures like kissing or sex.
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Some aromantic people still partake in partnerships known as queerplatonic relationships. These are relationships that fall outside the typical expectations of a romantic relationship within those individual's culture.
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A large portion of the aromantic community do have deep non-romantic relationships with friends, family members, and pets.
This does not make them better or worse than aromantic people who are more asocial.
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Frequently, aromanticism has been conflated with a lack of care for others, or a lack of emotions entirely. While there may be some aromantics who are like this, they are not representative of the community as a whole.
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Aromantic is an umbrella term that covers many different identities. It's also used as a stand alone label for people who don't feel the need to further detail their orientation identity.
Throughout the month I will post about more labels underneath this umbrella.
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Part three: Asexual
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For now, just understand that asexuality covers a multitude of experiences, and that no one should assume anything about an asexual individual.
Knowing someone is asexual does NOT give you the right to ask invasive questions, but you *should* listen if they decide to talk about their identity.
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Asexuality is an umbrella term that covers many different complicated relationships with sexual attraction. It's also used as a stand alone label for people who don't feel the need to further detail their orientation identity.
Throughout the month I will detail more labels underneath this umbrella.
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As stated above, you do not have to feel sexual attraction to have sex, and the reverse also applies. You do not have to have sex with someone simply because you are sexually attracted to them.
Having specific standards for sexual partners does not make you asexual.
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Some people have difficulty understanding this concept. They may think something like "well yeah, that person is attractive, but I wouldn't have sex with just anyone off the street!".
However, it is important to understand that attraction does not equal action.
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To put it another way, this can be compared to general hunger vs specific cravings
Your stomach is growling and you want food in general = hunger (sex drive)
You see an advertisement for a food like pizza and suddenly want it even though you weren't hungry = specific craving (sexual attraction)
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Which leads me to my next point; how is a sex drive different from sexual attraction?
A sex drive is when you randomly get horny for no reason, and sexual attraction is horniness aimed at a specific person.
"Yeah, I'd smash that" = sexual attraction
"I could use to get laid right now" = sex drive
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Along these same lines, many people believe asexuals never have sex, which is not true.
Asexual people can and do have sex for various reasons:
1. They want to please their partner(s) (consensually)
2. They still experience sexual attraction on some level
3. They still experience a sex drive
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Unfortunately, there are a lot of common misconceptions about asexuals.
Most people confuse them with celibates, and boil them down to being people who "just don't want to have sex". However, unlike celibacy, being asexual is not a choice, it is an inherent sexual orientation.
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Part two: Transgender and Nonbinary
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Trans men do not have to be ultra masculine, trans women do not have to be ultra feminine. Nonbinary people do not have to be perfectly androgynous.
In the end, it costs absolutely $0 to treat transgender and nonbinary people like human beings. They're just people trying to live fulfilled lives.
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Transgender and nonbinary people are a vastly mixed bag of experiences, and no two people who identify with these terms will be the same. They don't owe anyone a gender performance. They don't have to "pass" to be respected.
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Social dysphoria can be triggered by negative things like "you throw like a girl", "you're a man, toughen up!", or it can even be triggered by positive things. "You're a woman, so of course you're kind!" is complimenting a person, but can still be very distressing if they are being misgendered.
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The reality is that transgender and nonbinary people may also (or only) experience something called social dysphoria. Social dysphoria is about how the outside world perceives them, how others address them, and the expectations that are placed on them based on their perceived gender.
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Transgender and nonbinary people are frequently depicted in the mainstream as people who have intense gender dysphoria, mainly thought of only as physical dysphoria.
Physical gender dysphoria is defined as high levels of distress associated with body features that don't "match" the internal gender.
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Nonbinary is an umbrella term that covers anyone with a gender identity that falls outside the traditional binary of man or woman. Some people use this instead of a more specific term when talking with laypeople so as to not confuse them. Others use it as its stand alone form.
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In practice, not everyone who technically falls under the transgender umbrella actually identifies with that term.
Frequently, this occurs when a person doesn't feel the need to transition medically, which can cause them to feel like the TRANS part of transgender doesn't fit them.
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For those who may be unfamiliar, an umbrella term or label is an identity that covers many other identities underneath its umbrella.
In technicality, transgender is the overarching terminology for anyone who does not identify (at least not fully) with the gender they were assigned at birth.