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caitlintake2.bsky.social
A man with a raccoon face led me here.
251 posts 188 followers 132 following
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Posts 48 Comments 1

I ran out of tortillas for my breakfast burrito but luckily, I had a roll of gauze.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Why does the disembodied AI voice need generic viagra?

submitted 17 hours ago • 20 comments

if it's the powerhouse of the cell, why isn’t it spelled *might*ochondria

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

me at 16: my stomach is an indomitable furnace on a steam engine anything I throw in there will be annihilated into fuel me at 38: I have to actively maintain the bacterial balance on my gut biome or I don't get to poop right

submitted 93 days ago • 362 comments

she died waiting in line to drink from the fountain of youth

submitted 16 hours ago • 2 comments

I am a birdpeeper.

submitted 16 hours ago • 2 comments

MORE CLOWNS AT FUNERAL SERVICES

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

That's a weird hill to die on, I say to myself as I'm scouting for spots

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

I don’t think I’d ever run for my life…I’d probably skip instead.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Guacamole is just a goth shamrock shake.

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

Just gave the cat a good brushing and he happily farted all the way through it and this is also how I express joy

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

I am not easy to love. I am a thing cobbled together from forgotten items from the deep recesses of your refrigerator.

submitted 2 days ago • 10 comments

[shopping the aisles of my brain for new coping mechanisms] why are all the good ones in locked cases

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

If you’re okay with a woman being snatched off the street for free speech and peaceful protest and detained with no due process …you have fully lost the plot on what AMERICA is supposed to be.

submitted 3 days ago • 26 comments

skeletons do so much, i don't think we show them enough gratitude

submitted 3 days ago • 77 comments

For all the people who say, "I don't chase, I attract" how exactly do you attract the ice cream truck

submitted 3 days ago • 33 comments

Me: *gets compliment* My brain: Do a weird laugh. No, weirder

submitted 4 days ago • 11 comments

hope the food there isn't too spicy or you'll have a stega sore ass

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

If you’re looking for a guy in cognitive decline, hmu.

submitted 4 days ago • 12 comments

STOP 👏 USING 👏 THE 👏 PHRASE 👏 LET 👏 THE 👏 CAT 👏 OUTTA 👏 THE 👏 BAG 👏 CATS 👏 LOVE 👏 THE 👏 SHIT 👏 OUTTA 👏 BAGS 👏 I'VE👏 SEEN 👏 A 👏 CAT👏 HANG 👏 OUT👏 IN 👏 A 👏 BAG 👏 FOR👏 THREE👏 DAYS 👏 STRAIGHT 👏 DO 👏 YOUR 👏 DAMN 👏 RESEARCH!

submitted 3 days ago • 144 comments

Pulling a fitted sheet over a large grilled cheese

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

My first day in prison I killed a man with a bag of Babybel cheese so that everyone knew I wasn’t to be trifled with.

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

when im on a treadmill i pretend im a tomato on the belt at the grocery store checkout running away from the cashier

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Today I found three spiders in a shoebox. I can't wait to see what other gifts this year will bring. 🎶On the third month of '25 the universe gave to me Three spiders spinning Two sudden evictions And a prescription for sertraline 🎶

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

EXPLORER 1: what should we name this new land we found EXPLORER 2: how bout Newfoundland EXPLORER 1: damn that’s fucken good

submitted 6 days ago • 443 comments

when i grow up i want to stop spilling things on my clothes

submitted 6 days ago • 109 comments

Frisbee the dinner plates hahaha nothing matters anymore

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

the Michelin man: im rubber, you’re glue BoJack Horseman: what

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

tactical lunch

submitted 8 days ago • 9 comments

I just dropped a dirty sock in a toilet full of pee. This is a metaphor and also it is not.

submitted 9 days ago • 15 comments

I googled the difference between a dentist and an orthodontist and the result was just a picture of a top hat.

submitted 9 days ago • 8 comments

Eating hummus like I just had my blood tested for hummus and the numbers came back great

submitted 9 days ago • 7 comments

The instruction manual on the box of wax strips I bought recommends having someone help with armpit waxing, so I guess it's time to knock on some doors and see just how neighborly this community is.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I was gonna try the old balance an egg on the equinox experiment, but I’ve decided the risk of failure would just be too costly

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I dominated the scavenger hunt. Three scavengers down, their leader wounded, and the forest whispers my name.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Generally I try to avoid controversy but there are times where one simply must speak truth to power. Mobsters that get their wounds stitched up by a vet should have to wear the cone while they recover.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

If you put the toaster on its side you can fire the toast across the room directly into your mouth

submitted 10 days ago • 10 comments

Tesla commercial music: 🎶 we build this shitty we built this shitty with caulk not bolts

submitted 10 days ago • 3 comments

A good way to "like" someone in real life is to slip a handful of shredded cheese into their pocket

submitted 10 days ago • 5 comments

Everytime I speak, my monocle falls off my too expressive face.

submitted 10 days ago • 4 comments

H.A.R.D. L.I.F.E.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

i just feel like life would be easier if i had a pet octopus

submitted 12 days ago • 18 comments

what do you mean i'm ignorant to classical literature? i've read disco's inferno..

submitted 13 days ago • 9 comments

The term health food is so backwards like nah man that's just food. That's broccoli. You been eating unhealth food.

submitted 13 days ago • 40 comments

INVENTOR OF THE LETTER Q: yea but we're gonna make this one hella codependent

submitted 13 days ago • 45 comments

I don’t know why they’re called sugar ants they taste terrible

submitted 13 days ago • 10 comments

I dreamt that some lady was gonna run a race so I was holding her belongings for a minute. But then I realized I was absentmindedly eating the fake nails I was holding, which were Wicked themed. There’s probably a lot of interpretation here, but what I noted is that my dreams are on trend.

submitted 13 days ago • 4 comments

LET'S GO MURPHYS!!! 👏👏👏👏👏

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments