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capnwatsisname.bsky.social
Likes you and other things that are great. Oatmeal farmer. Recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaabrbkkoo5lc Best of: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jiqppb3vymtquebk2yatb4mw/feed/aaaoxwn4kyzv4
5,804 posts 14,561 followers 1,211 following
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Posts 46 Comments 4

How can you say I wasn't actively participating in the conversation? I showed you what I was looking at on my phone.

submitted 4 hours ago • 2 comments

“He who saves his country” could be changing really fast in a phone booth right now!

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Parish Council to all moor-side residents - Once again: the nightly screams beyond the high cottages are foxes. They aren't the result of werewolf activity. Stop spreading this silly idea. This is 2025. You should all know werewolves prefer to strike before their prey screams.

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

i’m in line to be the new pope and i’m bringing a lot of new ideas first off smaller hat

submitted 3 hours ago • 7 comments

I am not a fan of these new Starbucks cup messages in Sharpie

submitted 1 day ago • 44 comments

The old boy network sounds like some extremely boring television.

submitted 7 hours ago • 9 comments

If I wasn’t such a dork you’d all fall in love with me and chaos would ensue. CHAOS

submitted 7 hours ago • 7 comments

Not those cheap modern signals through the air. The timeless ones. The ones that were already bouncing before hey, slang leave with I gotta bounce. That is the life connected I do not have. So when I say I feel you, I have to imagine us popping an ideal bubble wrap for it to work.

submitted 14 hours ago • 1 comment

i'm so close to standing on the side of the road barefoot wearing a sandwich board that says the end is nigh, like i'm just looking for the right hat at this point

submitted 9 hours ago • 41 comments

I'm the tired driving at night blind across a desert without man made stops rolling my window up and down promise to stay awake and you're the pull ahead of me out of nowhere with a saving grace tail lights to guide can't thank for all the times you got me safely call you to say I made it home

submitted 8 hours ago • 11 comments

an eye for an eye leaves the whole world yaaaaarrrrgh matey

submitted 17 hours ago • 4 comments

Tonight my mom asked Siri "what is the longest phase anyone has ever gone through"

submitted 16 hours ago • 6 comments

YOU CAN'T EVER GO HOME AGAIN. THEY HAVE LET OUT YOUR ROOM TO A PACK OF UNICYCLISTS.

submitted 19 hours ago • 2 comments

Reading Travels (Gulliver's version) and I don't know which is the more cathartic voyage of his artistic expression, the big exes or the little exes

submitted 23 hours ago • 2 comments

I saw a stick this morning that for a split second made me believe I could be a wizard

submitted 19 hours ago • 22 comments

Bluesky remains undefeated when it comes to self-diagnosed mental problems

submitted 16 hours ago • 9 comments

BLUESKY POLL: __ Give me your heart __ Make it real __ Or else (forget about it)

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

i once steamed an entire bluefin tuna to perfection in my fanny pack

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I'm never quite sure how much spaghetti to cook or how many rocks to carry when I walk into the ocean.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Life's all about choice and today I can't decide if I should deep clean my kitchen or throw myself into an active volcano.

submitted 1 day ago • 20 comments

microdosing falling in love by eating a singular butterfly

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

"That's the last straw!" -Me, working at a very poorly run restaurant

submitted 16 hours ago • 1 comment

I started to count the ways I love thee, but I only got like six or seven so maybe this can be a qualitative study.

submitted 20 hours ago • 4 comments

F@$&! I bought all these hot cross buns at one a penny not knowing that mere seconds later they'd only be two a penny. I'm ruined!

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

My goal on social media is not to get the most followers possible. It is to put on the best talent show this town's ever seen and save the youth center

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

I’ll hang up my spurs one of these days Guy downstairs: Please god.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

[removing earbud at the apocalypse] was that today?

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I'm just a wolf who's intentions are good oh lord please don't let me eat Red Riding Hood

submitted 1 day ago • 33 comments

In hour three of interrogation I bite down on my secret tooth that contains one peanut

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Banksy’s HOA insisting he remove his painting of a little girl throwing glitter at the HOA.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

A montage of people rolling my turtleneck collar up over my face mid conversation

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

*creates a powerpoint presentation for our breakup*

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

the language [slurps Coke] of film [shoves fistful of popcorn in mouth] is universal [spills Raisinets on floor]

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I love AI. I love the way that if you Google "pope franci-" it immediately knows you mean "Pope Francis's wife".

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

guy next to me at this sushi restaurant looks like jacques cousteau because he is wearing a turtleneck and a jacques cousteau hat and he is on a date with a giant purple octopus

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Me and my doo wop group stopped by the chamber of commerce to see if we could use their big echo cave. So bummed.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

My skills are so limited that at this stage, my only chance of being remembered for eternity is shit customer service and substandard copper.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

well everything is an island

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Tina: You're simply the best. Me: What do you mean by that? Tina: Better than all the rest. Me: Oh! Thanks for the clarification.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

So it turns out screaming “ANDY RICHTER FOLLOWS ME ON BLUESKY” will not get you out of a DUI but will make a cop visibly jealous

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Any time a child memorizes a bible passage, they should be allowed to have one cigarette.

submitted 2 days ago • 60 comments

Anywhere else would sing more echo to your heart's bling for rhyme, the reason you always fling yourself back, constant ringing in your yearning ear. But this is a free verse clinic and words that share so many endings are usually first in lines for a shot of iambicillin.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

The eyebrows are the tires of the face. A good set will get you through most situations

submitted 1 day ago • 15 comments

If I had any I would call my bangers feed bangers a gongers get it onners

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

my Trader Joe’s cashier proposed to me and I said yes

submitted 1 day ago • 45 comments

I find your grandmother’s knickknack collection alarmingly lackluster.

submitted 1 day ago • 36 comments