Profile avatar
chhapiness.bsky.social
Dream Husband. Dad to 2 girls, a raccoon and a sloth. brb, hypnotizing my dog to turn her into a cat
35 posts 736 followers 213 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 46 Comments 4

Teacher: What’s this constellation called? Brian: Orion Bryan: Oryan

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

My five year old was watching the snow fall and said, snow is just cloud poop I’ll never be able to make snow angels again

submitted 53 days ago • 1 comment

Things I've learned: - humour is an indicator of intelligence - if she says she's crazy, believe her - always stash an emergency roll of toilet paper

submitted 53 days ago • 26 comments

Are they sure it's not 4.9?

submitted 54 days ago • 3 comments

i feel like i might be just one bologna sandwich away from new leggings, so let the hunger games begin

submitted 54 days ago • 3 comments

because nobody wants to listen to Devin play the damn bongos again for six fucking hours

submitted 54 days ago • 5 comments

grandmas be like imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings

submitted 57 days ago • 0 comments

Introverts wear glasses to avoid eye contacts

submitted 60 days ago • 1 comment

Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year

submitted 61 days ago • 1 comment

Guys just relax women really mean it when they say, “no Christmas gifts this year”

submitted 72 days ago • 0 comments

Things that grew rapidly this year 1. Bitcoin 2. AI 3. My stomach

submitted 75 days ago • 0 comments

I’m keeping the romance alive by gift wrapping my wife’s Christmas presents which she ordered from Amazon

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

My kids go through so much shampoo, I’m convinced that they drink it. On the bright side they’ll have a very smooth and silky esophagus

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2387 words

submitted 85 days ago • 3 comments

"This is not my first rodeo," I proclaim confidently, not realising I've signed up for the circus.

submitted 85 days ago • 1 comment

[every time I cook] Me: Hmm, how can improve this meal? *adds more cheese*

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

Married Wrapped 2024 list is out! My most heard tunes were 1. What’s for dinner 2. Did you even look?! (Explicit) 3. Never mind! I’ll do it myself

submitted 89 days ago • 3 comments

My kids will be late to school even if we lived inside the school

submitted 99 days ago • 1 comment

Me; Alexa! Start understanding my Indian accent Alexa: Here’s what I found on Wikipedia about median cement

submitted 97 days ago • 2 comments

Surprised my wife with a paper airplane her reaction proves that women don’t care about origami

submitted 93 days ago • 2 comments

I rearranged the icons on my desktop so they look neater I'm done for the day.

submitted 89 days ago • 12 comments

Pharmacist: may I help you? Me: Can I see the menu, please?

submitted 89 days ago • 24 comments

At worst, using a lot of slang terms used to make older people think you sounded uneducated. Now it makes you sound like an escaped mental patient on cocaine

submitted 89 days ago • 3 comments

Hey that's my circus! *does double take* And my monkeys!!

submitted 89 days ago • 7 comments

We weren’t allowed to rock around the Christmas tree in my family

submitted 89 days ago • 1 comment

February is the shortest month because it's the hardest to spell

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

We're all mature until we see bubble wrap

submitted 89 days ago • 38 comments

I put a bar of soap on my head in the shower and just stand there. I call it trickle down washonomics.

submitted 89 days ago • 36 comments

My 8yr is scheming to share a birthday party with her younger brother. She says, “so, we’re going to share the party room; you’ll get one side and I’ll get the other.” 6: I get the left

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

Once you’re married giving oral pleasure to your wife implies keeping your mouth shut

submitted 91 days ago • 3 comments

Me: Alexa, play “Without You” by Harry Nilsson on repeat and turn it all the way up Old VCR remote I’m shouting at super drunk:

submitted 91 days ago • 5 comments

ME: *pulling sock over my calf* CALF: ᵐᵒᵒ

submitted 91 days ago • 1 comment

'Tis the season for discreet packaging

submitted 91 days ago • 2 comments

No one: Americans: I'm 70% Italian and 30% Irish

submitted 91 days ago • 25 comments

Influencers doing dumb stuff is the reason why you no longer need to run really fast after whispering “moist” into a stranger’s ear

submitted 91 days ago • 4 comments

I was warned, but didn’t listen.The rhythm got me.

submitted 91 days ago • 4 comments

Him: You should live life with no regrets. Me: Great. Now I regret not doing that too. Thanks a lot.

submitted 91 days ago • 2 comments

A post where two people are riding horses and one horse says “they lie down when they sleep” and the other horse says “I hope that’s soon it’ll really cut down on wind resistance”

submitted 91 days ago • 3 comments

before coffee: fuck. this. shit. after coffee: yup. fuck. this. shit.

submitted 91 days ago • 56 comments

Logically the best time to kick someone is when they’re down

submitted 91 days ago • 10 comments

*Absolutely nothing happens* My dog: Jumps up, catapults off the bed, runs full speed to the couch, and falls back asleep

submitted 91 days ago • 1 comment

Flex on your dentist by asking if they're free on a random Tuesday 6 months from now

submitted 91 days ago • 2 comments

“Welcome to the amnesiacs support group, I’m *checks notes* Bill.”

submitted 91 days ago • 10 comments

If there was a dog named Battlehammer you think he'd be scary but nope he's a wiener dog

submitted 91 days ago • 3 comments

Am I beautiful? No. But do I make up for it with an amazing personality? Also no

submitted 91 days ago • 8 comments