craigfarrell.bsky.social
14 posts
114 followers
168 following
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I asked my Queen for a date.
Someone to play chess with is great!
I am no Grandmaster,
The result? A disaster.
But I knew that I’d found my check-mate.
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I work with an office bore.
Daily, we’re at war.
He’s an utter plonker
But what gets up my honker
Is his lemony fresh scent of Lenor.
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E)HE
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I knew our marriage was dead.
I was no longer the man that she’d wed.
But top of her list
Was the way that I pissed,
But it’s a skill to do it stood on your head.
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My wife likes to kick up a fuss.
And to be honest, it’s quite tedious.
The lettuce to wash,
So water I splosh.
And yet we’ve all still outlasted Liz Truss.
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Be it helicopter or drone,
When cycling out on my own,
I think of Phil Liggett;
Increase my watts per minute,
And ride to victory and the Maillot Jaune.
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My waistline is forever expanding,
Because I don’t want any misunderstanding.
With airplane food,
Leftovers are rude.
Please raise your tray in preparation for landing.
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I love the Tit and the Thrush.
To see them is a wonderful rush.
With hair from my chest,
To feather their nest,
One in hand is worth two in my bush.
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When I’m getting my weekly injection
For my body mass index correction,
It gives me great joy
To cosplay Sick Boy
Doing drugs in a state of dejection.
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Some people think they have clout.
“You’re very photogenic!” They shout.
Compliment or insult?
Whatever. The result?
I’m beautiful, both inside and out.
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My wife offered me a tea.
She’s thoughtful like that, you see.
But often, my shower
Loses its power,
So there I stood, in a puddle of pee.
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An old lady didn’t hold the door,
Livid it left me, and more!
Rudeness is the worst,
In on her, I burst,
Now I’ll never forget what I saw!
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Oh, it really makes my heart ache,
When I make a recruitment mistake.
It had never occurred,
That on Microsoft Word,
They hadn’t heard of using a page break.
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That was Savage.