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crotchfat.bsky.social
Sandwiches
97 posts 25 followers 102 following
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Posts 15 Comments 35

Inside you are two wolves: pee and poop. If you don't let your pee wolf or your poop wolf out of your body, you will die. Also they are not wolves.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I have health insurance

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Just baned the shit out of my wife. That's when your wife complains about a household chore that you usually handle and you go (Bane voice) "I WAS BORN IN THE DARK."

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

WELL... is there a MRS. Ghost of Tsushima or...

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

Got a real good feeling about this burrito you guys

submitted 70 days ago • 1 comment

Me, stuck at a red light watching somebody park at the spot right in front of my house: NOOOOOO!!!! (sobs) MURRRPH!!! DON'T LET ME LEAVE MURPH!

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

(flash of light from the bathroom stall, a haggard old man stumbles out, wild-eyed) "WHAT YEAR IS IT?" "2015" "Good, then there's still time. Listen to me. They're gonna be here any minute looking for me. DO NOT GIVE YOUR EMAIL OR PHONE NUMBER TO ACT BLUE."

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

Ah yes, the horse's radish

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

Mr. Z! Mr. Z! In the song 99 Problems you state definitively that a bitch ain't one, but go on to list a K9 officer of unspecified gender as a potential problem. Care to comment?

submitted 103 days ago • 0 comments

Just overheard a new bartender at my local watering hole describe himself as a "prog guy" while discussing the godawful prog metal that's playing now, and I may have to move if this energy continues

submitted 107 days ago • 1 comment

Responding to emails is the hobgoblin of micro penis.

submitted 110 days ago • 0 comments

Sure, I might be unemployed, but I do have a very productive cough

submitted 114 days ago • 0 comments

I've been explaining current events to my dog and she keeps saying "that's a pretzel dentist!"

submitted 133 days ago • 0 comments

Fuck around and find out (that you have just triggered my PTSD)

submitted 150 days ago • 0 comments

(sees beggar on the street corner with a sign that says "please help, my family is starving") (rolls down the window of my Mustang) "Hey man, guess what? MY HEART ACHES FOR YOU." (peels out and does donuts in the intersection while blasting "Born to be Wild")

submitted 152 days ago • 0 comments