damnitjanet.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Nipples are the eyes of the chest

submitted 12 hours ago • 15 comments

sometimes you need to wear that old concert t-shirt to remind yourself of a time when you made out with a sexy stranger while thumping music coursed through your veins instead of focusing on how you have to buy more stool softeners

submitted 12 hours ago • 9 comments

i got stung by a radioactive bee i can't fly or make honey, but my knees look fucking spectacular

submitted 8 hours ago • 7 comments

Priest: he was best known for inventing the jack in a box, and now a short musical interlude Pallbearer: starts winding a tiny handle on the side of the coffin

submitted 7 hours ago • 10 comments

"that's a nasty habit you've got there" i declare, as i goose Sister Agatha

submitted 7 hours ago • 2 comments

the static electricity is insane today when i walked past a cheesecake in the bakery it stuck to my cart

submitted 6 hours ago • 7 comments

I am not a fan of these new Starbucks cup messages in Sharpie

submitted 16 hours ago • 43 comments

I find your grandmother’s knickknack collection alarmingly lackluster.

submitted 14 hours ago • 33 comments

My daughter is having her birthday party at a trampoline place today so I'll either come back with a spine injury or the bird flu. Hopefully both 🤞

submitted 14 hours ago • 40 comments

my carpet is beige & my drapes are ecru, in answer to your question

submitted 14 hours ago • 3 comments

Weather alert: no outdoor stripteasing or helicoptering, unless you're in front of an external organ donation station

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

Zelda says that all of our problems would be fixed if we all licked more buttholes.

submitted 11 hours ago • 113 comments

If covid was a conspiracy by Big Sweatpants to get me to only wear sweatpants for the rest of my life then congratulations to the most goated conspiracy of all time

submitted 11 hours ago • 5 comments

Baby, let me rummage through your junk drawer, Baby.

submitted 10 hours ago • 3 comments

Pat: Hit me with your best shot. Me: Really? Pat: Fire away. Me: I did not expect amateur archery league to be like this.

submitted 10 hours ago • 1 comment

my Trader Joe’s cashier proposed to me and I said yes

submitted 9 hours ago • 31 comments

imagine going back in time and showing ancient humans you have no idea how to do anything they know how to do, like light fire with sticks, but you do know how to post? and they're like "how did this creature ever live to adulthood" and you're like "lol you can't even get 1 like"

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

If I had any I would call my bangers feed bangers a gongers get it onners

submitted 12 hours ago • 6 comments

My skills are so limited that at this stage, my only chance of being remembered for eternity is shit customer service and substandard copper.

submitted 11 hours ago • 3 comments

Me and my doo wop group stopped by the chamber of commerce to see if we could use their big echo cave. So bummed.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

Just saw them refuse to sell a pint of this one to a six fingered man. Poor guy, the iocane gives it a lovely kick. Knorg, Was born in the fens of East Anglia, and so is no stranger to non-standard finger counts.

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

I’ll do a roundhouse kick in a rectangular apartment idgaf

submitted 12 hours ago • 3 comments

opened this and it was just a Bluesky invite code and a pack of Parliaments???

submitted 12 hours ago • 23 comments

dude, all of my moonlight is serious

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

“I’m sorry, Harold, but I can’t take it any more. The uncatchable laser light, taunting me with yarn, the bird in the cage…it’s just too much. I’ll be at my sister Phyllis’. You can send my things there.”

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

guy next to me at this sushi restaurant looks like jacques cousteau because he is wearing a turtleneck and a jacques cousteau hat and he is on a date with a giant purple octopus

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Live every day like it’s your last. Key a cop car. Eat five hot dogs. Call your boss a taint. Who cares anymore?

submitted 1 day ago • 27 comments

Getting some mirrors installed on the ceiling in the bedroom so I can double, or possibly triple, the self-loathing as I watch myself eat fried chicken in my underpants.

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

INVENTOR OF THE HOT POCKET: in 1978 on a family trip to naples, italy, i accidentally placed a hot charcoal brick in my mouth

submitted 1 day ago • 23 comments

It's Friday night !! Woohoo !! Yippee !! Whoopie !! softly snoring

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

how many more full moons until we all agree the moon is always full somewhere

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

hello and welcome to poundtown, I am the mayor due to gerrymandering

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

If you don’t think you would fit in at Impostor Syndrome Club, you would

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

I'm only on social media because it's a cheap solution to my low blood pressure issues.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

goop is going to start selling yogurt that was incubated in gwyneth's mom's pussy and they're calling it Blithe Dannon

submitted 22 hours ago • 28 comments