Profile avatar
dick.tips
Autist, dong-lover, and avid dreader.
174 posts 29 followers 196 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
Posts 18 Comments 32

Me: There doesn't exist a prison that can hold me! *Am escorted in cuffs to my cell* Me: wow nevermind i was super wrong, these walls are concrete, im so fucked

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

You could argue that Elon and Trump are clear confirmations of the adage that money can't buy happiness; however, have you considered that they are just incapable of happiness, on a cellular level, because they're gigantic assholes?

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

At some point the most annoying people tried to convince us that sincerity was cringe and that's when this all went wrong

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

"If you come to this country you at least need to learn the language!!!" Oh yeah motherfucker? Did you learn Algonquin?

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

AI is cool because it makes the least creative people you know somehow even less original

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

My kingdom for a biopic of Clive Wearing starring Bill Nighy and written and directed by Dan Harmon

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Gil Strang: A nice ODE, f(t), will have nice solutions y(t) Me: Nice fuckin f(t)

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

People need to stop asking me if you can use blistex on your penis. For the last time "i do not know!"

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

The marketing campaign for Conclave has frankly gotten out of hand at this point

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

Telling my son about how his mother and I met in the lofi hip hop girl stream's live chat

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

Stating for the permanent record: Abby's song to David made me happy cry for approximately two hours

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

Trivia: Who's the composer who wrote Beethoven's 9th

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

ペ is my favorite hiragana because it looks like a sunrise over a mountain

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

I'm not verified, just tarrified ("terrified by the tariffs")

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Remembering now my favorite thing that Ive learned from a @cgpgrey.bsky.social video: that the Pope is the world's only democratically-elected absolute monarch

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Elect a lady pope and change the title to Mome

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Instead of praying to the flag or whatever every morning, American children should recite something like: Am I free to go? Am I being detained? I invoke my right to a public attorney, and I invoke my right to remain silent

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

My nephew opening his birthday card: oh man, $50, thank you! Me: Don't spend it all in one place 😉 Nephew: haha, wait, is this one of your counterfeits? Me: And don't take it to a bank or casino

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments