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donni.bsky.social
Chicago if it matters. Dive bar comedy vet. Only seem calm because I’m exhausted. Thinking about some new shirts
1,690 posts 29,846 followers 686 following
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Sorry I’m late, I was added to a facebook group of boomers arguing about sandwich bread and now I’m obsessed

submitted 5 hours ago • 6 comments

(wearing a sleeveless denim vest and smoking a cigarette) more fingers should be middle fingers

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

We’re all doing our best to remain calm while frequently horrified and irritated and occasionally aroused

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

The song Hotel California never actually fades all the way out and is always playing very quietly on every radio

submitted 29 days ago • 2 comments

The first rule of Trader Joe’s is never fall in love

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

If I ever suddenly become an incredibly wealthy genius, it’s all over for you people who doubted that would happen

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

90% of billionaires consistently look wet, so either being moist means you’re more likely to get rich, or lots of money makes normal people moist.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I will always be available if anyone needs me to eat a giant sandwich in an emergency

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

accounts that follow you should glow green if you are fated to meet each other

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

You don’t have to post about the guy you don’t want to post about. You can just post about cheese

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

boofing whippits

submitted 3 days ago • 9 comments

Hiring a squirrel to taunt my enemies

submitted 3 days ago • 7 comments

A hundred years ago, the only time you’d point and click was when you pointed your horse toward a meadow and clicked so he would trot

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Listen to your heart: A shadowy figure hiding in the dark who loves blood

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

PLACES I'VE THROWN ONE OF MY NOTORIOUS TANTRUMS: jelly camp mini golf windmill (inside) downwind of Nathaniel circus green room harp factory newseum

submitted 211 days ago • 4 comments

Save money on gas by drinking less gas. Honestly, you shouldn't be drinking gas at all

submitted 4 days ago • 6 comments

A couple of the M&M's I ate off of my shirt were buttons.

submitted 4 days ago • 13 comments

Yes, my plans are nefarious, but at least I’m starting to plan more

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Don’t all the horrible things just want to chill out occasionally

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

The last time you all gamed together came and went without you noticing. User: hot_tongs99 Status: beiG EATN BY BEAR S Last Updated: 11 yrs ago User: DevilDan Status: FUCKFUXKFUC KTHE BEAR JS HERE Last Updated: 11 yrs ago User: gork Status: I can't live without my friends Last Updated: 10 yrs ago

submitted 261 days ago • 1 comment

I’m smart enough to trick myself, and dumb enough to fall for it

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

I'm really fucking mad and given everything I can't figure out how to be less mad so I'm just trying to offset it by also loving like crazy but they're kind of crashing together and making a hybrid super aggro love and love-motivated rage.

submitted 5 days ago • 15 comments

I’m only jealous of everyone who is better or worse than me

submitted 5 days ago • 3 comments

can someone give me $20,000, I need to buy Cheetos and then also have $19,994 leftover

submitted 6 days ago • 26 comments

Anxious? Have you tried drinking coffee about it? Definitely makes things worse, so give it a try

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

im sick and tired of all these signs that say WE BUY SCRAP METAL. i do too but you dont see me bragging about it

submitted 6 days ago • 16 comments

I have decided to become unavoidable in various situations

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

Tfw they keep compacting the soil around you restricting your ability to respire and absorb the nutrients needed to grow

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

A weary nation can have A Little Hope as a nice treat

submitted 7 days ago • 2 comments

pulling up to the deli counter with a crisp bill like gimme twenty bucks worth

submitted 7 days ago • 6 comments

Have you tried eating a truly unsafe amount of tortilla chips and salsa to fix your problems

submitted 7 days ago • 43 comments

Drugs may not solve your problems but they definitely won’t make your problems worse and even if they do make your problems worse at least you’re on drugs to help deal with it

submitted 8 days ago • 8 comments

getting surgery that makes it so i always have frosted tips

submitted 8 days ago • 3 comments

Trying to read less upsetting things online and more upsetting books instead

submitted 8 days ago • 8 comments

on our morning walk and i just told the dogs that we can’t stop at every mailbox. they in turn are asking me why there are so many along the Smelling Trail then

submitted 8 days ago • 4 comments

No offense Your Honor but I disagree with your whole aesthetic

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

I come from a long line of people who hid under a pile of coats and hoped for the best

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

(being carried along on the tide of history) well

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I regard doodoo with revulsion

submitted 9 days ago • 15 comments

Be the change you want to see. Or be too exhausted for that, and hope the change will just happen. In my experience this does not work

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

Going to the Purina plant and trying different secret phrases until they take me back to the tasting room

submitted 9 days ago • 3 comments

The online world has always been a mixture of terrible lunatics and some nice lunatics

submitted 9 days ago • 4 comments

friend: want to smoke some Shakespeare me: it won’t do anything [15 minutes later] me: the walls bleedeth red friend: who art thou

submitted 10 days ago • 4 comments

It’s rude for the weather to be nice when you’re consumed by dread

submitted 10 days ago • 9 comments

Oh god damn it whose petard is this. Swear to god every single time. Oh wait no, haha, sorry. Sorry everybody. Yeah that’s my bad. That’s on me

submitted 10 days ago • 6 comments

I wish I loved or hated anything as much as my toddler both loves and hates bananas

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

you should be allowed to give the chef a little kiss when the food is good

submitted 11 days ago • 8 comments

Bravely living through one historic event after another and learning nothing

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

responding to a sext with “i’m amenable to that”

submitted 12 days ago • 22 comments

The sexual tension between gradual enshittification of all goods and services and accelerated crackdown of all rights and freedoms

submitted 12 days ago • 4 comments