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draculaisland.bsky.social
he/him
197 posts 171 followers 71 following
Prolific Poster

"My name is Greta Thunberg and I am from Sweden. If you see this video, we have been intercepted and kidnapped in international waters by the Israeli occupational forces, or forces that support Israel."

heartwarming video of man who just received cochlear implant hearing the video of the lady who fell and hurt herself stomping grapes on the news for the first time

bring back fatchu

We apologize for the recent behavior of the gorillas. Our sign language expert is going through a divorce.

watching Predator and i'd never really considered before how funny it is that Arnold is emphatically like "we're a RESCUE team" and there's a guy on the team with a, typically aircraft mounted, six barrel rotary machine gun. for rescuing. you can rescue up to 6000 guys per minute with this thing

hell yeahhh my favorite cheese is gay and woke

no more posting about any of those “writing routines of famous writers” unless it’s Edmund White’s

RIP Josie Carter who led the resistance against a group of Navy sailors who attempted to start a brawl against the queer patrons of the Black Nite. "We do not run from a fight. We do not run from anything."

*pssshhhhhh FOOMP*

I know posting "the girls are fighting" seems funny, but it's actually insensitive and shitty. My father died in a girl fight. He tried to break it up and the girls pulled him apart like freshly baked bread. He didn't even scream. One moment he was there, the next just a spray of dad viscera.

ME: yeah could i get the impossible burger with cheese. THE VIZIER WHO'S BEEN ADVISING ME: ahh, an excellent choice sire. an imitation of the genuine article. there are some "friends" of yours to whom it bears a passing similarity ME: you want anything VIZIER: [chuckles] what i want is of no import

groimes you haeve to come get me at Geetmo

Things that absolutely didn't happen

wearing a black jean jacket to the pharmacy on an 82° F day to look cool and hide my unfathomable escher-esque torso from the good townspeople

See why these studs are in so many carts. Cool Runnings (1993)

(stoically chopping wood at a remote cabin) Subway franchise manager: strange place to find the world's best sandwich artist me: ..that's the past. I left that life behind

introducing our new, nuclear-winter themed summer collection

(post-apocalypse dystopia where people who still know how to read are called wordwakers) Warlord: What does this one say, wordwaker? Me: Campbell’s chunky beef & vegetable

straight people love 2 things: - upholding a multi-millennia cultural practice of treating women as subhuman sexual property - calling gay people perverts

I love to push a button and receive a pellet. A delicious treat for me? Might as well push it again. If it gives me a small electric shock once in a while, well, that's just the cost of doing business

Me and my friends would have killed the Pride Cybertruck with hammers I can tell you that much

my one-kidney brother #digimon

it’s extremely funny to show up somewhere with a black eye and then say that you were punched by a baby

grooving to a prince song about sucking and fucking and then right at the end getting slapped in the face with the proselytizing

one must imagine sisyphus horny

Hail, Dorian.

Antivaxx and libertarianism are the same--they can exist only when the majority of the population buys in to what it takes to live in a society, allowing the minority to think they are outsiders thriving on their own exceptionalism.

For a long time, humorous clips of Mario saying "Hello door" and "Another door?!" in Super Mario Sunshine were known about, but presumed unused. It turns out they can actually be heard in the game by performing an unreasonably specific action in the debug testing room.

and remember guys, i'm hunting you for sport so i expect to see some sportsmanship out there alright, no tricks. no tricking me

Accurate

#AI #ArtificialIntelligence #ChatGPT

Made some Magic: The Gathering cards

Happy Wednesday

gaming

"Only The Good Die Young" was originally titled "Renounce God And Fuck Me"

I've now seen the face of God.

just finished playing the very charming game Lost in Random with effervescent and plain delightful dialogue by @ryannorth.ca

wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey? guard: [looking away] fine wife: did something happen? guard: [tearing up] no wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?

Sinners (2025)

The Giving Tree? (glancing nervously outside at the maple I owe money to) Actually honey, it’s a little more complicated than that