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elgringochorizo.bsky.social
Shitposter, musician, giver of no fuks. *Memes are 99% stolen. *formerly @GringoBrulee on the bird app
132 posts 364 followers 333 following
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Therapist: What do you hope to accomplish with me? Me: World Domination? T: No Me: Superpowers? T: No Me: Use the force? T: No.... Me: I wanna be happy? T: Finally. An achievable goal. Me: By using the force? T: Get out

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Them: "What got you into Classical Music?" Me: ...

submitted 3 days ago • 16 comments

Them: So, even tho your mom passed away, do you think she haunts you? Me: She judges from beyond the Veil. She may be gone but a mother’s guilt is forever.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Looking forward to the ultimate weighted blanket, six feet of dirt piled on top of me.

submitted 5 days ago • 16 comments

BlueSky is where all the kids who had their desks moved to the hallway hang out

submitted 10 days ago • 29 comments

roses are red holy fuck we’re all gonna die

submitted 12 days ago • 10 comments

*shaving beanbag Wife: You know you’re not getting any for Valentine’s Day right? Me: *midway holding my leg up What day?

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

🎶One for the money Two for the show Three to get ready Now cram a live grenade down my throat🎶

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

Wife: I'm pregnant. Husband: Hi pregnant, l'm dad. Wife: No, you're not.

submitted 17 days ago • 60 comments

Thirty days hath September, April, June and November. All the rest have thirty-one Except for February which is just fucked up.

submitted 17 days ago • 5 comments

I hear the way to get Mayo to spoil real fast is to put on a Super Bowl Halftime show they don’t like.

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Look I’m no Hollywood mogul but maybe EVERY sports movie should have a character who gets really good when he turns into a teen wolf

submitted 17 days ago • 2 comments

Coworker: Are you gonna crash out today? Me: When’s the last time I crashed out? Coworker: Yesterday Me: mother fu…

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

just over here photoshopping muppets onto the cover of elle magazine: thread

submitted 20 days ago • 210 comments

My mom once caught me masturbating and as punishment I couldn't have dessert for a week. But now as an adult I can have my cake and beat it too.

submitted 21 days ago • 4 comments

*walks into gym after a hiatus Them: Gringo! Welcome back. We thought you were dead. Me: The dark side is a path to many ability some might consider unnatural.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

I FUCKING HATE HIM Ma’am this is a Wendy’s

submitted 22 days ago • 8 comments

Dry February always made more sense to me for obvious reasons.

submitted 24 days ago • 1 comment

Dipshits: We voted for him because he cares about the economy. The Economy: *waiting for the stock market to open

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

Woo-Hoo!!! Friday night!!! Let’s get ready to PARTY!!! *changes into pajamas*

submitted 27 days ago • 7 comments

Wife: Have you ever seen Boogie Nights? Me:…..are you being serious? Wife: Is it good? *realizing she’s never seen this movie and omg the ride she’s about to go on

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Super Mario Bang Bros.

submitted 27 days ago • 7 comments

Sooooo, your butthole or mine? * me, flirting with Irene, the Costco sample lady

submitted 29 days ago • 10 comments

Me: *Slides alien $5 and a pudding cup* Take me off this planet please.

submitted 31 days ago • 166 comments

One of the most traumatic moments in my childhood was learning that piñatas don't come already stuffed with candy

submitted 31 days ago • 2 comments

‪*mormons knocking on my door‬ ‪Mormons: Good morning. Can we talk to you about Heavenly Father?‬ ‪*runs back inside to put on Jedi Robes‬ ‪Me: Can I talk to you about The Force?‬

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

Wife: What’d you do today? *inner monologue Don’t tell her you bought a drum set…don’t tell her you bought a drum set Me: Your mom

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

If I don’t make jokes about my feelings, I’ll detonate into a fine emotional mist.

submitted 33 days ago • 18 comments

*watching a 1980’s horror TV series Me:…..I remember where I’ve seen her from! I saw her biddies! Wife: How the fuk did I marry you?

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

This hot toddy tasting like my hand is gonna get lucky tonight……wait…..

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

*watching The Simpsons Wife: How is Willy able to hide being so jacked under them overalls? Me: 🤷🏼‍♂️ Wife: You think he’s packing Willy? Me: Oh he’s packing magnum dong.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

My daughter lost her first tooth and put it under her pillow. I replaced it with an even bigger tooth. She wants to play tooth games? Let's dance.

submitted 36 days ago • 114 comments

Wife: I just got off the phone with my drunk boss. Me: Do they know you’re ready to quit yet? Wife: They’re worried about people quitting. Me:

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

*considering making this a moobs account

submitted 37 days ago • 10 comments

My wife took this picture yesterday and I can’t stop looking at it

submitted 37 days ago • 202 comments

Did something important happen today? I feel like I missed something? I know it’s MLK day….but anything else of importance going on?

submitted 38 days ago • 2 comments

So no TikTok, not supporting Meta… I hope LinkedIn is ready for my shitposting and gym thirst traps.

submitted 40 days ago • 3 comments

*wife shuffling deck of cards Wife: What do you wanna play? Me: Pooker Wife: The fuk is pooker? Me: We both draw one card. Lowest card loses. Loser has to fuck the winner. Wife: *Burns deck oops

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

Friend: I might make an OF *me literally willingly to be the first subscriber

submitted 40 days ago • 1 comment

You ever accidentally buy the fat-free half and half and your life is ruined?

submitted 41 days ago • 22 comments

daughter: look daddy, I made you this picture! me: aw honey, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this

submitted 41 days ago • 12 comments

Me: Who sings that song 'Radioactive'? Her: Imagine Dr- Me: IMAGINE DRAGON THESE NUTS ACROSS YOUR FACE Her: Sets me on fire

submitted 42 days ago • 4 comments

*in bed with wife after watching clips of Sesame Street earlier with my nieces 1! 1 thrust! Ah ah ah. 2! 2 Thrusts! Ah ah….shit

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Doc: you know what helps with depression and doesn’t cost you a dime?! Me: please say posting Doc: EXERCISE! Me: fuck

submitted 45 days ago • 41 comments

I second the motion.

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

Wife: Would you love me if…. *interrupts Me: Are you going to ask me something dumb or serious? Wife:…..

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

The spiders you eat each year is a red herring topic to distract us from the amount of ghost dicks we suck during a given year.

submitted 46 days ago • 17 comments

*watching White Chicks for the first time…. *changing room scene

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments