elle91.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Just keep rubbing expensive goo on my face every day in the hopes that it'll fix my life

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

In fifth grade, we were supposed to write a story about an antihero but I was only half-listening so I wrote a 6 page story about an ant who helped people quit smoking and my teacher sent me to the school psychologist.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Thinking about cutting down my screen time to 22 hours a day

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Mindfulness is out. We're doing drugs again.

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

Every DIY article: Here's an easy hack to restore that run-down wooden table to its previous beauty. All you need is some wood polish, a cup of walnuts, a minimum of 3 years practicing carpentry, and a magic hat.

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

Me talking to a friend having a tough time: Hey, it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. You are so loved and supported. Me talking to myself when I'm having a tough time: Listen up you little shit

submitted 11 days ago • 5 comments

I hate meeting people who immediately start throwing riddles at me like "what do you do for fun" and "how are you"

submitted 14 days ago • 5 comments

Listen up you gorgeous mess, you are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for. You have endless possibilities that are hard to see when you feel like shit. Do one small productive thing. Break the shitty thought spiral and remember that your dumb ass can do anything

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

Imitation crab is the most sincere form of flattery crab.

submitted 21 days ago • 5 comments

If you're worried about people remembering every embarrassing thing you did, think about it. Can you remember other people's embarrassing moments? No. That's because you're the only one who's ever done something embarrassing. What the fuck is wrong with you lmao

submitted 25 days ago • 10 comments

Life: Expects me to take care of myself, make a living, find love, die fulfilled Me: Takes 3 days to reply "haha" to a text

submitted 27 days ago • 2 comments

When I say I'm "running errands," I mean I'm going to one store. I didn't realize people actually had the energy to go to multiple places in a row, I thought that was just a thing people say

submitted 28 days ago • 4 comments

I can't explain it, but liking Ben Shapiro feels antisemitic.

submitted 32 days ago • 1 comment

Normalize quitting. Quitting isn't inherently bad - pouring more time and effort into things that clearly aren't working just bc you've already poured a lot into them is insane. Normalize quitting a shit job, leaving a bad marriage, abandoning society to join a pack of wolves

submitted 35 days ago • 2 comments

Brain: Too anxious, can't sleep Body: Too exhausted, can't get up Me: What the fuck

submitted 36 days ago • 4 comments

If you believed something with your whole heart and then opened yourself up to new information & realized you were wrong, it's ok to not believe it anymore. It won't break you. It actually makes you stronger because you altered a belief to fit your identity, and not the reverse.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

Spending $20 on shit I don't need a few times a week is the only thing keeping me going. My emotional support tchotchkes should be covered by insurance

submitted 38 days ago • 2 comments

Inventing a new kind of procrastination where I really want to do the thing but just can't bring myself to mentally and instead of just doing it I spend ALL DAY thinking about how terrible I am for not doing the thing. It's wildly ineffective. Highly recommend.

submitted 40 days ago • 2 comments

Maybe if we start calling our body parts gun-sounding names like “revulva” or “shooterus” the GOP will stop trying to regulate them.

submitted 176 days ago • 146 comments

[Me as a bank robber] Other bank robber: Got the guns, the getaway car- did you bring the knives and the balaclavas? Me: [Holding two beautiful, perfectly spiced baklavas] Oh no

submitted 42 days ago • 2 comments

There is no grand purpose in life. You're just supposed to fuck around for a while, eat some tacos, and try not to step on any dogs' paws.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

You're pro-life but you're taking an antibiotic? Interesting.

submitted 45 days ago • 1 comment

Inside you there are two wolves. So yeah, it's not appendicitis. Just the two wolves thing

submitted 46 days ago • 1 comment

"Follow your heart" you mean the thing that burns when I eat tomatoes

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

Body: SOMETHING IS WRONG Me: Yeah I can tell, what do you need? Body: PROBLEM PROBLEM Me: I know! Are you hungry? Body: AHHHH Me: Thirsty?? Body:🚨🚨🚨 Me: Are you just tired? Body: IT'S REALLY BAD IN HERE REALLY REALLY BAD

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

Sometimes I will do a very simple self-care thing like putting lotion on my hands before bed and be like "that was so easy, I will do this every day" and then forget that I even have hands for the next 6 years.

submitted 50 days ago • 2 comments

You can't just throw money at problems and expect them to go away. Unless I am the problem, in which case please go right ahead.

submitted 51 days ago • 1 comment

Got a brain like Norton Anti-virus, incorrectly identifies threats until the whole system breaks down.

submitted 53 days ago • 1 comment

Instead of rewarding myself after finishing a task, I give myself the reward ahead of time and then use the intense guilt of doing that as motivation to do the task. I call it a preward. It's incredibly ineffective and makes me feel like shit.

submitted 55 days ago • 3 comments

I should really just date the pharmacist at CVS because he sees all of my prescriptions and still hits on me.

submitted 56 days ago • 2 comments

Fuck the cosmetic industry and their unattainable beauty standards

submitted 58 days ago • 2 comments

Went down a rabbit hole after hearing about a kids show character named Sportacus & learned that he made the show bc he wanted kids to be more active. Now, decades later, kids on tiktok are copying his push-up video and I'm high and crying because he fucking did it. he made kids more active

submitted 59 days ago • 1 comment

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗕𝗲 𝗔𝘁𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 Women: Shave, wear makeup, smell good, DO NOT SWEAT EVER, be thin but don't eat salads, wear fitted clothes, be smart but not threateningly so, never have wet hair in public yet always have clean hair somehow?? Men: Shower, have clothes

submitted 59 days ago • 5 comments

Not today, Hot Women In My Area. Today is for international women.

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments

Standing in line in the busiest Costco I've ever seen waiting for the rotisserie chickens. We've been standing here for 20 minutes. The woman in front of me on the phone just found out someone died. She's crying but she isn't giving up her spot

submitted 62 days ago • 4 comments

Me: I'm opening a kissing booth where you can have one last kiss with someone you used to date. Friend: Don't do this Me: I'm calling it Friend: Stop Me: Great Ex Peck Stations

submitted 64 days ago • 4 comments

This is going to be the first line of my autobiography.

submitted 66 days ago • 1 comment

Michelle Obama: Kids should have nutritious meals. The pro-life party: This is an outrage! RFK Jr: Kids should have measles, mumps, and polio. The pro-life party: Yes, king! Tell it like it is!

submitted 69 days ago • 224 comments

Some people think you can "figure things out" in life and the bad news is you can't & never will. There's nothing to figure out bc your personal sense of fulfillment is fluid & unpredictable. But the good news is nobody else can either so you wanna go halfsies on a llama or what

submitted 69 days ago • 2 comments

I once dated this Greek guy and the end of the relationship was really tumultuous and I didn't think we'd ever reconcile but after we broke up he sent me this enormous, beautiful wooden horse so I think everything is gonna be OK.

submitted 71 days ago • 1 comment

🎶CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK🎶

submitted 72 days ago • 1 comment

If you can't handle me at my "eating Oreos in my underwear at 2 am" you don't deserve me at my "eating Oreos in my underwear at 2 pm."

submitted 74 days ago • 5 comments

Friend: I know you're hurting right now, but the best revenge is a life well lived. Me: [Looking around at the crumbling hellscape I've created] what's the second best revenge

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

When I say I like words of affirmation, I don't mean compliments about how I look. Today a guy at the gym called me a machine. That's what I mean.

submitted 77 days ago • 1 comment

Extremely challenging escape room idea: You're standing in a bathroom. You have to convince yourself to get into the shower, and then convince yourself to get out of the shower. You have 2 hours.

submitted 81 days ago • 1 comment

Me: Hi, may I please see the wine list? Waiter: Ma'am, it's 8 AM. Me: Oh, sorry. Good morning, may I please see the wine list?

submitted 84 days ago • 168 comments