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etobicokeernie.bsky.social
Former crime fighting garbage man. I bring great shame to my family. I was serious one time back in 1987
604 posts 1,937 followers 458 following
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Posts 49 Comments 0

I bet Kid Rock has carpet in his bathroom.

submitted 13 hours ago • 32 comments

“Idk, I mean you’re so naturally pretty, you don’t need all that eyeliner and those nails are perfection”, I drunkenly say to a raccoon.

submitted 1 hour ago • 9 comments

If you wanna be a doctor, go to medical school if you wanna be a spin doctor, just go ahead now

submitted 10 hours ago • 6 comments

I'm at my most awkward when I'm existing.

submitted 4 hours ago • 3 comments

[smacks you on the ass after sex] alright good team work

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

I've just heard that to relieve your stress completely, you need to hug 8 people...or hit hard 1.

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

Her: I really like you Me: I felt the same about you right up until you said that. Now I'm suspicious.

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

I like my dumpster fires how I like my men: Hot and full of garbage.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

Sorry I’m late, I was moving in mysterious ways.

submitted 7 hours ago • 10 comments

*from inside a flaming dumpster I’m fine.

submitted 7 hours ago • 2 comments

*aggressively suffocates you with my thighs*

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

BlahBlahBlah, fine.😑

submitted 7 hours ago • 0 comments

Why do we call it running errands, rather than store trek?

submitted 8 hours ago • 5 comments

Waiter: "Have you decided on a wine, sir? Me: "Oh man, I'm horrible at pronouncing names. Gergio… Grogeroy… Gerogio… Waiter: [taps name tag] it’s pronounced Gregory, sir

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

All my skeets have self-destruction codes so when you steal them the joke is literally on you.

submitted 13 hours ago • 5 comments

{marriage counseling} I guess it all started when I saw him put the toothpaste on before the water... *therapist scribbles furiously*

submitted 10 hours ago • 12 comments

Sorry I muted you, but I can’t fucking stand you

submitted 8 hours ago • 2 comments

Grimace has seen some shit.

submitted 10 hours ago • 8 comments

Pronounces “legume” like “résumé”

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

Pronounces labour like l'amour

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

My walk-up song is more of a smell and it's microwaved fish.

submitted 15 hours ago • 10 comments

What you see is what you get and I apologize for that

submitted 15 hours ago • 1 comment

I call bullshit! - Me, about everything

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

In other news, Joann Fabrics filed for bankruptcy, leaving their customers saying, “sew what?”

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

My body wash misfiring and landing on my tits is the most action I’ve seen in a year

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

“Your mom” I burp at you as I walk away

submitted 23 hours ago • 7 comments

Breakdance: the most important dance of the day

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

rom com is short for roman combat

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Cause of his death: My thighs.

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick Especially because his name is Brian

submitted 21 hours ago • 11 comments

“Excuse me, could you walk a bit slower?”, me, as a stalker.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

“Why do we even have closets when we can just live out of the washing machine?”, early morning thoughts.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

Coworker: "Are you ok?" Me: "Yeah, why?" CW: "You look like you're in pain." Me: "No, that's just my face."

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I won't judge you by the car you drive, but I will judge you by the music you listen to, in it.

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

Hate when I reply guy something only to find some other reply guy already reply guyed what I wanted to reply guy.

submitted 11 hours ago • 5 comments

wet, naked, mouth full of meat…i’m eating a cheeseburger in the shower again

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

I love that glasses are seen as a sign of someone being smart and not that our eyes failed a test.

submitted 11 hours ago • 4 comments

Hot moms make the best grilled cheese.

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

If you pretend that you're erasing evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you'll do a better job and it's more fun!

submitted 12 hours ago • 43 comments

You know what’s fun? Shutting the fuck up.

submitted 12 hours ago • 11 comments

Drunk me makes a lot of plans that sober me will have to make excuses to get out of.

submitted 11 hours ago • 1 comment

I had that nightmare about Sam Elliott's mustache chasing me again.

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

Life is a journey of remembering who you really are. I am an annoying prick.

submitted 12 hours ago • 2 comments

My dream job would just be me driving the karma bus

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

You'd think the word orgy would have more than one o

submitted 13 hours ago • 12 comments

"putting on the ritz" i yell excitedly, strolling in to the party in a suit made of crackers

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

I only play the lottery to fulfil my dream of buying one of those flame throwing, robot dogs

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Woke up with a grilled cheese on my mind.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

I leave my door unlocked at night in case someone wants to break in and murder me while I’m sleeping

submitted 14 hours ago • 2 comments