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filth-waste.bsky.social
half sharkalligator, half man. discord: filth_waste filth_posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jn2yuheybqo5xhu37ol3uuzk/feed/aaaeem6bktoy2 🏠seattle ☀️sagittarius
5,448 posts 18,025 followers 478 following
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Posts 48 Comments 1

why is it called hillbilly elegy and not hick jacet

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

Slept in my contact lenses and had to melt them off with a blowtorch when I got up.

submitted 6 hours ago • 6 comments

there should be thorns in every bag of gummy bears to simulate the ancestral experience

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

It's best to never ask anyone eating their meal directly out of a pot on the stove how their day was

submitted 12 hours ago • 4 comments

Giving myself a mini pedicure before a nail appt... basically the equivalent of straightening up for the housekeeper

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

I live in the past because the future is so bleak

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

Solitude requires effort like mowing the lawn happily being left alone.

submitted 5 hours ago • 3 comments

Sometimes you get high and start waxing idiotic about how The Simpsons is about the journey from Judaism ("Abraham" Simpson) to Hellenism ("Homer" Simpson) and then finally to Christianity ("Bartholomew" Simpson) and then someone tells you to shut the fuck up, and they’re right to do so.

submitted 97 days ago • 51 comments

It doesn't say on the label but if you leave a pile of wet clothes in the machine for a week, they will actually thank you for the peace

submitted 14 hours ago • 3 comments

once in grade 10 i stayed home sick to ditch a school event but then i got bored so i went there anyway and tried to get my friend to ditch with me but i got caught and suspended and if you think i was being a real dumbass then i’ll have to advise you that the event was for gifted & talented

submitted 127 days ago • 3 comments

your science hasn’t yet invented a phone call that i’ll pick up

submitted 127 days ago • 4 comments

"that's a nasty habit you've got there" i declare, as i goose Sister Agatha

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

at the bus stop taking this guy’s schizophrenic ramblings in good faith. carefully refuting his claims by citing three reliable sources

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

People out here working hard to be idiots, not letting those of us naturally gifted with idiocy have space to operate

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

railed before a live studio audience

submitted 57 days ago • 2 comments

calling the hotel front desk to ask what i’m allowed to take home without getting in trouble

submitted 5 days ago • 24 comments

Girl, are you a monetary penalty incurred for committing a misdemeanor crime such as littering? Because you fine.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

idk who needs to hear this but its your last chance to sign up for that webinar

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

girlfriend: do that thing i like me: *loads the dishwasher correctly*

submitted 5 days ago • 7 comments

asked a guy on the subway why he was wearing a feedbag over his eyes but he just muttered “oculus” and then went silent

submitted 127 days ago • 6 comments

whenever i’m struck by the disconnect between someone’s statements and their actual behaviour i ask myself one simple question: are you new here idiot, like jfc

submitted 127 days ago • 1 comment

(reading about pinocchio meeting a suspiciously helpful fox with an evil laugh) ugh when will it be my turn 😩

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Sleep the blues away

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Hoping I get home to find a trail of pop-tarts leading to a nice, cozy toaster bath.

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

I’m not convinced anyone has really loved me, at least not the way I loved them.

submitted 6 days ago • 21 comments

I’m tired of giving friendly advice. I’m going to start offering violent alternatives

submitted 449 days ago • 6 comments

A pez dispenser for wasps

submitted 13 days ago • 12 comments

This can't keep happening -me, waking up without having slept

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

I remember when a problem was someone talking over the radio host while you were poised to hit record on the tape deck when your song came on Let's get you to bed, grandma

submitted 57 days ago • 27 comments

i hope there’s a hell so john calvin can burn in it

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Disney led me to believe there would be birds making me a cocktail.

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

I went to Disney on ice. Tweaked so hard, CPS was notified. And they didn’t even know I didn’t go with my kids.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

It's like one of my mom's mantras: leave the vagina better than you found it

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

god did the right thing when he made me beautiful. he didn’t make me humble which I’m told is rather ugly. if im “ugly” why am I so beautiful? dipshit

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

The key to avoid disappointments is to ignore everything.

submitted 6 days ago • 8 comments

Imagine being buried at a crossroads only to be accidentally dug up when they’re installing gas tanks for the new convenience store

submitted 5 days ago • 4 comments

People don't seem to want to be around me too much and I am starting to suspect that it is because I have been rolling around in carrion.

submitted 6 days ago • 14 comments

Violence is not an answer. It’s a question, whose answer is fear.

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

I have a favorite film about bending it like Beckham but I won’t say which one it is. You’re going to have to guess.

submitted 5 days ago • 16 comments

looking for someone to patiently teach me to drive stick while licking cheeto dust off my neck no weirdos

submitted 6 days ago • 12 comments

busting buttons on cardigans like it’s my job

submitted 5 days ago • 3 comments

"God is dead" - Nietzsche "What time is the reading of the will" - the meek, probably

submitted 6 days ago • 5 comments

the number of notifications i have is somewhere between 30 and the heat death of the universe

submitted 127 days ago • 4 comments

Sign at the water's edge that says WALK INS WELCOME

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Lottttttta talk about resistance and revolution when most of my fellow countrymen don't even know how to tell their boss to fuck off

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

old people love being in the way. it’s like jacking off to them.

submitted 584 days ago • 1 comment

people that demand you defend your dissertation when you write a joke here aren't the sharpest tenured professors in the shed, kwim

submitted 58 days ago • 23 comments

hi i'm tim, founder of tim's moving *vc funding kicks in* the company is now called Blapz and we sell body parts online

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments