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filth-waste.bsky.social
half sharkalligator, half man. discord: filth_waste filth_posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jn2yuheybqo5xhu37ol3uuzk/feed/aaaeem6bktoy2 🏠seattle ☀️sagittarius
5,634 posts 18,348 followers 526 following
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Posts 48 Comments 1

dad stop referring to me as "an absolute misfire" and pay the guy for the pizza please

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Interesting: Stephens shorten it to Steve. Just spitballing: Steeph

submitted 9 days ago • 5 comments

just read your text from last night, do you still need your epipen?

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

Look at this big beanie baby

submitted 2 days ago • 9 comments

Microplastics are saved in the sperm bank

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

where in your life do you need more love show me on this ragdoll

submitted 168 days ago • 3 comments

in canada we don’t have new year’s, we just keep using the old one. we’re not wasteful like some other countries i could name.

submitted 169 days ago • 18 comments

I wish I had my own Swifties to decode my every move and tell me what the hell is going on

submitted 190 days ago • 6 comments

without downloading any new pics tell me you love me

submitted 190 days ago • 22 comments

Keep opening this app to say something, then I read for a minute and think, "Well, I believe they've said it all," then I close the app. You can do this too!

submitted 12 days ago • 21 comments

my conscience says stuff like “jack off now and you will be able to focus later” and i’m always having to shut it down like i’m suddenly the adult in this relationship

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

stop saying it’s only tuesday that’s a lie

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Le Mans is French for “the mans”

submitted 5 days ago • 6 comments

ME (a person who likes to lick stuff) YOU (a person who is made of stuff)

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

having a whole life where I mean to say something relatable but instead I say something that warrants a wellness check

submitted 11 days ago • 20 comments

repeating my typo to myself like i'm chanting a rosary in a film while the killer is putting an axe thru my door

submitted 6 days ago • 6 comments

"It's harder to be kidnapped if you're fat." That's why I'm losing weight. Take me away.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Graduated to 2/3 brightness and large font... now if you'll excuse me it's time for my nap

submitted 6 days ago • 5 comments

i know a lot of you have questions for me so i’m gonna do an ngl (nofuckingway get lost)

submitted 170 days ago • 3 comments

i prayed on it and god’s divine plan for me is to farm the last days of empire for klout

submitted 170 days ago • 3 comments

office workers getting the day off for juneteenth like “wage against the machine”

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

pulling up to audit Enron like

submitted 191 days ago • 8 comments

cheese is my favorite thing that i love but don't really understand

submitted 192 days ago • 6 comments

I said happy father's day, Dad and he said the feeling is mutual

submitted 4 days ago • 9 comments

replacing my "Baby on Board" bumper sticker with a "Child On Roof As An Offering To The Road Gods" one

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

acab includes the angel on your shoulder

submitted 4 days ago • 8 comments

As my Dad would say: "Whelllp (long silent pause) I guess it's about that time."

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Are the stem cells in my umbical cord still viable after 43 years? My baby book might hold the key to getting out of poverty

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

at 3x speed npr podcasters sound just like normal humans

submitted 170 days ago • 5 comments

wouldn’t want to get brutally murdered seems like a hard experience to come back from

submitted 171 days ago • 12 comments

Referring to myself henceforth as the Bill Nye of middle-aged Latinas

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

i saw a dumpster on fire today and i thought of you

submitted 17 days ago • 6 comments

putting on my fanciest skin-suit today this one actually has holes cut out for my eyes

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

a single underwear is an underwore. you only get one leghole with that bad boy

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Just gonna roll over and pretend this pillow is a real man for 20 more minutes

submitted 7 days ago • 2 comments

[fixing hot toddy] all the people saying alcohol is bad for your immune system hate me and want me dead

submitted 196 days ago • 3 comments

[werewolves texting in the group chat] omg I'm HOWLING 😂

submitted 196 days ago • 3 comments

i have resting i’m so sorry face

submitted 8 days ago • 10 comments

An asthma inhaler that sounds like a kazoo every time you use it

submitted 15 days ago • 6 comments

eat what you kill and that’s why i shot this egg mcmuffin

submitted 8 days ago • 14 comments

went to make an acronym of "terms of service" and, and I'm not joking here, spent easily five minutes looking through the symbols on my keyboard for the correct symbol for "o', the letter. like it was 'and' or something. I have had two to three hours sleep.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

when you have nothing compelling to say, say it with three cry laugh emojis

submitted 174 days ago • 10 comments

what happens in my dreams is none of my goddamned business

submitted 174 days ago • 4 comments

can't work today. sprained my thumb squeezing that last bit of honey outta the bear

submitted 9 days ago • 6 comments

I think my couch is destroying my hips and lower back. I guess I'll sit down for a few minutes

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

listen you insolent shit. goatse was our watergate, kennedy assassination, and moon landing all in one

submitted 13 days ago • 1 comment

if u can lose like "forty percent of your fortune" in a day and you still have literal billions then the money was never real and you should be shot.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

i’m so sweet you can break me into little pieces and share me with friends like a mint or a werther’s original that tastes a little bloody

submitted 13 days ago • 6 comments