Profile avatar
filth-waste.bsky.social
half sharkalligator, half man. discord: filth_waste filth_posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jn2yuheybqo5xhu37ol3uuzk/feed/aaaeem6bktoy2 🏠seattle ☀️sagittarius
5,635 posts 18,343 followers 527 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 50 Comments 0

nothing really compares to british exclamations. “blimey,” “bloody hell,” “oh bugger”…all S-tier swears

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Eating Benadryl like candy.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

[trying to discern which of my friends is a class traitor] so that CEO murder, huh? 👁️ 👁️

submitted 190 days ago • 5 comments

NYC kids are something different, a 3rd grader just asked his group of friends if they’re religious

submitted 190 days ago • 8 comments

went to the record store to do some trades but they don’t take babies

submitted 2 days ago • 23 comments

the sleeping bear on the tea box isn’t really sleeping his wife killed him

submitted 1 day ago • 23 comments

sorry my writing has been so bad i don’t feel like i wanna die rn but give it a few hours i’m sure it’ll come back

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Nobody heard me in the pub last night when I said I like dogs AND cats cos i'm ambipetstrous and that's exactly why the skeeting must continue

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

[phil rizzuro voice] holy cow i think he’s posting through it

submitted 170 days ago • 6 comments

pharisee: this woman has been caught in the act of adultery, mosaic law commands us to stone her to death. but what sayest thou “master”? should we not kill her? jesus: he among you who is without sin, let him cast the first stone me, at the back, snapping: oh daaammmnnn!

submitted 170 days ago • 5 comments

Wearing glasses makes a woman instantly more attractive instead of all blurry

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Despite being a creature of a damp, dank, subterranean cavern, I am surprisingly flammable.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

new migraine treatment just dropped

submitted 1 day ago • 48 comments

*slaps side of well* you can fit so many babies in this baby

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

dad stop referring to me as "an absolute misfire" and pay the guy for the pizza please

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Interesting: Stephens shorten it to Steve. Just spitballing: Steeph

submitted 12 days ago • 5 comments

just read your text from last night, do you still need your epipen?

submitted 4 days ago • 7 comments

Look at this big beanie baby

submitted 4 days ago • 9 comments

Microplastics are saved in the sperm bank

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

where in your life do you need more love show me on this ragdoll

submitted 171 days ago • 3 comments

in canada we don’t have new year’s, we just keep using the old one. we’re not wasteful like some other countries i could name.

submitted 171 days ago • 18 comments

I wish I had my own Swifties to decode my every move and tell me what the hell is going on

submitted 192 days ago • 6 comments

without downloading any new pics tell me you love me

submitted 193 days ago • 22 comments

Keep opening this app to say something, then I read for a minute and think, "Well, I believe they've said it all," then I close the app. You can do this too!

submitted 14 days ago • 21 comments

my conscience says stuff like “jack off now and you will be able to focus later” and i’m always having to shut it down like i’m suddenly the adult in this relationship

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

stop saying it’s only tuesday that’s a lie

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

Le Mans is French for “the mans”

submitted 7 days ago • 6 comments

ME (a person who likes to lick stuff) YOU (a person who is made of stuff)

submitted 5 days ago • 4 comments

having a whole life where I mean to say something relatable but instead I say something that warrants a wellness check

submitted 14 days ago • 21 comments

repeating my typo to myself like i'm chanting a rosary in a film while the killer is putting an axe thru my door

submitted 9 days ago • 6 comments

"It's harder to be kidnapped if you're fat." That's why I'm losing weight. Take me away.

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

Graduated to 2/3 brightness and large font... now if you'll excuse me it's time for my nap

submitted 8 days ago • 5 comments

i know a lot of you have questions for me so i’m gonna do an ngl (nofuckingway get lost)

submitted 172 days ago • 3 comments

i prayed on it and god’s divine plan for me is to farm the last days of empire for klout

submitted 172 days ago • 3 comments

office workers getting the day off for juneteenth like “wage against the machine”

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

pulling up to audit Enron like

submitted 194 days ago • 8 comments

cheese is my favorite thing that i love but don't really understand

submitted 194 days ago • 6 comments

I said happy father's day, Dad and he said the feeling is mutual

submitted 6 days ago • 9 comments

replacing my "Baby on Board" bumper sticker with a "Child On Roof As An Offering To The Road Gods" one

submitted 6 days ago • 5 comments

acab includes the angel on your shoulder

submitted 6 days ago • 8 comments

As my Dad would say: "Whelllp (long silent pause) I guess it's about that time."

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

Are the stem cells in my umbical cord still viable after 43 years? My baby book might hold the key to getting out of poverty

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

at 3x speed npr podcasters sound just like normal humans

submitted 173 days ago • 5 comments

wouldn’t want to get brutally murdered seems like a hard experience to come back from

submitted 173 days ago • 12 comments

Referring to myself henceforth as the Bill Nye of middle-aged Latinas

submitted 8 days ago • 4 comments

i saw a dumpster on fire today and i thought of you

submitted 19 days ago • 6 comments

putting on my fanciest skin-suit today this one actually has holes cut out for my eyes

submitted 5 days ago • 5 comments

a single underwear is an underwore. you only get one leghole with that bad boy

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Just gonna roll over and pretend this pillow is a real man for 20 more minutes

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

[fixing hot toddy] all the people saying alcohol is bad for your immune system hate me and want me dead

submitted 198 days ago • 3 comments