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foxy99.bsky.social
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#OTD in 1980, the U.S. hockey team defeated the U.S.S.R in the "Miracle on Ice" during the 1980 Winter Olympics. The crew of USS Coral Sea learned of the victory when the pilot of a Tu-95 Bear radioed his congratulations to an intercepting F-4 Phantom II from the carrier.

I finally finished my assessment of all of you. Just letting you know.

DOGE staffer Edward “Big Balls” Coristine is the grandson of Valery Martynov - a “former” KGB spy. That’s right, one of Elon Musk’s young cyber criminals — related to a former KGB spy, and who seemingly did not have to undergo a background check — now has unprecedented access to…

This is my emotional support chainmail bikini

A Chinese appetizer sampler, commonly known as a Pupu Platter, would fix me.

Just hired Toad as a gardner. Sounds like it’s time to reign in my expectations.

It would be pretty funny if with his last breaths the pope excommunicates the couch fucker.

Give your past self a break. You were doing the best you could. Unlike now.

I won’t rest until I out post Stephen King.

★★★★★ review:
 “The casino's sports betting lounge did a bang-up job of making my wife’s funeral real classy. Go Timberwolves!”
 —Dan T from Chambersburg, IA

if you interact with me 8 times in a month you can redeem your punch card for fabulous prizes* *leftover takeout

i'm putting my vibrator on a war footing

In hour three of interrogation I bite down on my secret tooth that contains one peanut

Hey, y’all 💋 🫂 💋 🫂 💋 🫂

I find your grandmother’s knickknack collection alarmingly lackluster.

Happy weekend kids

6PM on a Friday. Quittin' time. Time for a Zima and some Intellivision football.

It's raining, 37°F, and someone is mowing next door.

Every so often I remember that Oprah brought us Dr Phil, Dr Oz and The Secret but the only person she brought back to destroy on her show was the guy who pretended to be a worse drug addict than he actually was in a book

tried to do the heart shape with my fingers and long story short i’m in a gang now

I was going to bake an egg free Depression Cake but this bout of catatonia got me like, eh, DoorDash a Snickers bar for $39.

dude, all of my moonlight is serious

Attention birdwatchers! - When you see a rare bird that’s far off its course just know you are looking at the dumbest individual from that species

The number of times I delete a zero-like post then look for it a year later.

Sorry I said, "Here comes the airplane," during fellatio.

One positive about surviving the polar vortex is that 24° F now feels "nice."

I believe anything the White House says to scare me but I don’t believe anything the White House says to assure me. 🇺🇸

guy next to me at this sushi restaurant looks like jacques cousteau because he is wearing a turtleneck and a jacques cousteau hat and he is on a date with a giant purple octopus

if we ever convert to the metric system i will kms

I last so long in bed I could stay in it forever

While reading my airmail I accidentally airdropped an air frier from an aircraft after my airbags activated. I’m such an airhead.

I didn’t even realize there was another Nazi salute at CPAC aside from Bannon. Fuck all of these people.

it’s #SausageSqualorSaturday so let’s see those big sausages

I accidentally called my boss mom on Zoom. I think I’m getting promoted.

Also one of my favorite scents!

Love the bright gold glow of witch hazel in the dregs of winter. 🌱🍃🌿💐 #gardening

I am not a fan of these new Starbucks cup messages in Sharpie

Who knew CNS destruction and adult sterility was so pretty.

The thing that makes me laugh the most is probably humor

Yousa tinking yousa people ganna die? Yes Jar Jar, I do.

unhinge your jaw