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furbyhancock.bsky.social
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Posts 46 Comments 4

i don't understand. if i can't bring my dog into the restaurant, how am i supposed to make a huge mess for you guys to clean up?

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

(after counting out exact change) hold on, i think i have some even smaller coins i can pay you with

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

angelic data breach leaks true names of uncountably many beings

submitted 18 hours ago • 1 comment

getting my teeth cleaned frantically gulping down as much of the water as i can

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

deflation is out of control

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

The three nutrient blends we're subsisting on this firestorm season

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

i'm worried that the $20 bills i've been mailing to china aren't doing enough to offset the tariffs

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I have to eat more leaves. More leaves = more energy. More energy= More days = More experiences = Better, more.

submitted 185 days ago • 3 comments

CDC's "don't be a burden" campaign extols virtue of suffering in silence

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

sneaking my own visual style into the movie theater

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

rural america is increasingly seeing the light of buddhism

submitted 19 days ago • 1 comment

This thermal printer's built-in trash can lets you throw away receipts more efficiently than ever

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

you: 17 times 3 is 52, right? me: (without thinking, because i trust you) yeah

submitted 21 days ago • 3 comments

Those little notebooks golfers write in are for haiku that may spontaneously come to them.

submitted 22 days ago • 3 comments

"STEM" is insufficient for a modern economy. We need to make it "STEAM" by adding Artifice, to ensure a supply of cunningly-wrought golden birds for the Emperor, that sing by an arrangement of valves.

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

glancing nervously at my 2025 bingo card, on which "minecraft movie," "money becomes worthless," and "surprise alien attack" are written

submitted 24 days ago • 1 comment

i just need a few thousand years to work on various projects

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

" " —a long pause commonly attributed to benjamin franklin

submitted 27 days ago • 2 comments

my tenth-grader has spent the past eight years trying to 'clip through the classroom boundaries' to 'speedrun high school.' he's 23 years old

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

economists are saying we're headed for a songbird market. radiant blue feathers with an orangish underbelly. pleasant on the eyes and ears

submitted 28 days ago • 2 comments

waking up in the timeline where the beach boys won instead of the beatles and rolling out of my hot rod shaped bed to turn off my insensitively hawaiian themed alarm clock

submitted 28 days ago • 1 comment

Now more than ever it's critically important that I personally win a 300 million dollar lottery jackpot

submitted 28 days ago • 1 comment

don't cry because it's over, delude yourself into believing it'll keep happening forever

submitted 28 days ago • 1 comment

Would love more dating reality shows, just with a wider frame of reference. Need a male camel trying to court a harem of female camels using his vomeronasal organ to judge the urine just streamed into his mouth by a potential paramour

submitted 29 days ago • 5 comments

i was the first person to drop 1000 peanut shells onto the floor of a texas roadhouse. apparently it's become something of a tradition

submitted 29 days ago • 1 comment

cnn samsara's new greed hatred & delusion index to track nation's progress toward liberation

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

tv tropes scientist: we're calling it "the internet's television and film trope database" me: try "tv tropes." it's cleaner

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

major respect to tv tropes for attempting to catalogue all possible ideas

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

the tariffs are fine. we probably don't need anything anyway

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

using google maps to walk from my office to the break room

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

you must change your life. april fools!

submitted 34 days ago • 1 comment

main thing i don't get is what the moon's doing up there. how does it make any money?

submitted 35 days ago • 3 comments

distant relatives are z-fighting again

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

setting my refrigerated pie on the windowsill to warm

submitted 36 days ago • 1 comment

queuing up an entire tim hecker album on the karaoke machine

submitted 37 days ago • 1 comment

(headline in a parallel universe where tv stations still sign off at night) THINGS GOING SMOOTHLY Not much happening, new study finds

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

that's a fair objection which i've already anticipated in a forthcoming volume of my book. (whispering furiously to my army of monkeys on typewriters) faster, fools! type faster!

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

Economists successfully hold single variable constant, claim real-life 'ceteris paribus' 5 years away

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

ordering 250 soda lids and 100 empty souffle containers at the drive through

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

paying for the table with 68 counterfeit $1 bills

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

tea is for when you want to read, coffee is for when you have to, milk is for dunking the book in

submitted 42 days ago • 2 comments

ordering in broken italian at pizza hut

submitted 41 days ago • 1 comment

my homeschooled son: this is pointless. when am i ever going to use this? me: (setting down esperanto textbook) any day now.

submitted 42 days ago • 2 comments

putting soy sauce on tofu

submitted 42 days ago • 1 comment

Perfect grilled cheese every time—my favorite method. 1. Become all-powerful.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

(having a panic attack) wait... global workspace theory isn't reddit, right? it's integrated information theory that's reddit. right?

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments