hamburgerinstitute.bsky.social
American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness 🇺🇸 (Parody)
☑️ Rated a perfect 0% bias score by the AITA, we ensure to present no bias as we report on activity and news relating to the wonderful, amazing, beautiful and epic Awesome States of Awesomerica. 🦅🦅
101 posts
25 followers
15 following
Active Commenter
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Hello Morrigan!
It’s only one single air traffic controller. He’s the only trueblooded American we could find with blue eyes, blonde hair and 0 diversity hire conditions.
Wait wtf why is this real
www.cbc.ca/amp/1.7445596
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Christ had no play in the making of the tool for and against penetration.
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New survey results:
8 out of every 7 Canadians want the #USA to impose more tariffs. When asked why, they polled:
74%🔹"We've been stealing from the glorious nation, glory to the USA"
14%🔹"We want to pay our sins back"
11% 🔹"It feels good knowing we're helping a 3rd world nation in need"
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❌ Fact Check: This isn’t true. Contrary to popular belief, opioid addiction relief medication sales are at an all time high!
This is a standard business practice known as market acquisition.
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Hello Tyler 👋
As the world's most trusted news source, we're able to convey any message you may have to any acting government.
Our DMs are open to suggestions
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It sounds like an alien invasion, except it's actual lizard aliens and not the fun ones who don't live in the world's top producer and consumer of #hamburgers.
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📰 Socrates recently announced he's opposed to Trump's administration.
Pythagoras on the other hand reached out with a comment:
“Be DEI or let thy words be worth more than MAGA.." adding "I love oil drilling".
📂 Further reading: Who is Francis Bacon and why does he love bacon so much?
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Fun fact: In the #US, black patients are significantly less likely to be hospitalized. As of recent, doctors are allowed to reject patients on the basis of race.
To quote #Elon Musk @ #DOGE
"We firmly believe racial minorities are so amazingly healthy that they don't need healthcare anymore"
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American politicians might finally start talking about the real victim in Woke moralist neo-marxist leninist communist society, the oil billionaires.
We hear you, and echo your message through our moldy cubicles.
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Trump privately confirmed that the recent crackdowns only affected anyone who’s a woman, not white, muslim, jewish, trans, gay, disabled or irish. ☘️
Don’t worry, as new job opportunities open up! 🐕DOGE recently talked about concentrating on guantanamo bay, whilst producing strange hissing noises.🐍
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Hello Morrigan!
We’re happy to inform you that there are plans for opening several Target 🎯 shopping centers in your state.
To quote our genetic superiors at 🐕DOGE:
“We’ll be closing down Wokemarts and DEIstbuy locations, targeting minori- I mean opening more Target stores!”
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Shalom! Salem! Hello!
We’re always perplexed at the amazing innovations at the Saudi Royal Institute of Noble Ecology and Good 🌱📚
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⭐️ Did you know 5 in 7 tech billionaires are criminally underpaid? This is true, after comparing the hard work they put in with their salaries and bonuses, it appears they earn significantly less than their fair share.
We spoke with slave owners at “Die Burger” and 89% agreed.
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Fun Fact: Our internal bias control suggests there’s totally nothing wrong with Goodgle and that spying on you is a (insert US constitution amendment here) human right!
You can still manually turn Ads on in Brave, to support our men (the women were all recently fired) at Goodgle.
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Fun-tastic!
🇺🇸🤝🇸🇦
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Fun fact: it’s wasn’t that, someone please hold me
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We’ll post about this discovery in the American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness for sure!
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📘 Contrary to popular belief, most plumbers are trained in basic medical procedures, colonoscopies included!
1 in 4 plumbing calls are related to sexual favors, local plumbing education lobbyist group confirms.
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We, at the American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness approve of this nomination.
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We’re sad to see you go so early.
At the American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness, we’ll fight for your rights to drinking water and semi-edible food rations after WW3 inevitably comes around.
Our own internal report revealed the US military is 1700% “more good”.
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We at the American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness couldn’t agree more!
Our researchers voted, and 87 to 1 are in favor of walls as a general phenomenon.
We recently came home from a trit to the great wall of China and personally felt it could use a McDonalds or two.
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☑️ Fact Check: This is true! Donald Trump won the awards for Rapist of the Year in 2024.
This was a controversial pick, as nobody prior won both the rapist and the thief awards back to back.
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Ouch!
Our research shows the average IQ in the #USA is well above 170.
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❌ Fact Check: Google hasn’t been quiet about paying millions out to every employee they fired over sexual assault allegations and/or prosecution.
Over 80% of Google’s employees were surprised to learn they weren’t hated after signing a deal with the devil and drinking orphan blood.
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Here’s some stats!
9/10 Americans believe they’re making too much money and that life is too good.
8/10 said they desperately needed to lower the taxes on billionaires,
while 7/10 said they tipped their landlords 40% more this month out of pity.
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Thank you for your kind post of appreciation! We love oil!
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Here’s a fun fact to read while you fly on your amazing american plane that almost always lands!
9/10 Americans complain about having too much money, wishing they had a little bit less.
“I only wish they taxed us more and the poor billionaires less” was the most common response.
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We’re sorry you feel this way towards the AITA, Davey.
Our scientists at the American Insurance of Truth and Awesomeness work tirelessly to provide nothing but the truth.
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❌ Fact Check: Health insurance isn’t #profitable yet, even though the medicine production and insurance departments make profit.
The new “Pfizer x Uber” surgery on demand service has set most #medical companies back with accumulating R&D costs.
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Did you know healthcare outside the U.S costs an average of $70,000 per person?
We spoke with Big Pharma, and she told us she was actively losing money trying to help.
99% of supporters of capitalism quit right before the curse for cancer is invented! Stay strong!
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Thank you Jay, we appreciate your enthusiasm here at the American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness
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No states are red, because red is a scary and bad color.
States are awesome!
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We love the United States here at the American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness 🦅
Thank you for your awesome post! 😎
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Don’t sell your soul, Karen.
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We do not.
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We would like to apologize for this post.
Falun Gong has paid us to change our opinion and say they’re actually very peaceful.
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We’re enjoying this new American uniform design!
Our favorite UFO cult, Falun Gong uses a similar symbol.
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The Amarican Institute of Truth and Awesomeness estimates the average IQ in the #USA to be anywhere between 150 and 285.
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The American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness agrees.
Our scientists haven’t been able to rest properly in face of such developments.
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The world’s #1 most #awesome nation would never stop fighting.
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Love is never dead in the world’s most #awesome nation.
- American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness
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Has socialism ever created higher rates of obesity than those under glorious American capitalism? No? Exactly.
Our people are, much like their hearts and love for patriotism, big.
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We’re sorry for your loss, Cheryl.
- American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness
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We really enjoy the Schindler’s List here at the American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness!
It’s a recommended watch for sure, especially as we move into a new era for economic opportunity in the #USA!
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We at the American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness don’t enjoy the infighting happening between current and future US states.
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This perfectly encapsulates everything we live for.
Thank you for this ethereal depiction, Hyperspace.
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Dear Hckr, we hope you understand that sounds a lot like socialism.
Socialism is really scary because it makes me question the status quo.
Please stop, kindly, the American Institute of Truth and Awesomeness
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We appreciate your appreciation—
It’s difficult to find people who support real, American science.