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hellaoftroy.bsky.social
mother. motherfucker. motherfucker fucker.
228 posts 1,509 followers 663 following
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My mom and dad had 6 photos of me from 1993 & I have 235 photos of my cat from 7-7:05 this morning.

submitted 1 day ago • 90 comments

I joined Bluesky because I was curious as to what Draino tasted like and this looked liked where the people that would know hung out.

submitted 18 hours ago • 7 comments

American cheese is just regular cheese with 70k in hospital bills

submitted 1 day ago • 53 comments

I blame all of this on the goddam up to no good windmills.

submitted 20 hours ago • 10 comments

i know i’m about to start my period because i keep crying over the baby ghast

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

What makes you think I have big mood (skips every song on the Abba playlist and skips every meme in the Bob Ross folder then scraps years in the making own cover of Hallelujah)

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Buddha: "The mind is everything. What you think, you become." Me: Uh oh

submitted 2 days ago • 24 comments

I almost had a new idea today. Will try again next weekend.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

The closest I get to a manicure is putting olives on my fingers and pretending I'm a tree frog

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

[not being able to get comfortable ever] well at least I'm about to pass out inside the world record for biggest jello shot

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I ate a healthy dinner now what's for dinner?

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Librarians > Libertarians

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Here are some nice mushrooms

submitted 3 days ago • 177 comments

Name a part of your body you need to apologize to

submitted 3 days ago • 7 comments

I'm drawing a circle of salt around your account. It's to protect us both.

submitted 3 days ago • 52 comments

I’m 60% “have a great day” and 40% “go fuck yourself”.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Crap I accidentally subscribed to Android TV

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I’m okay with letting the penguins keep their secrets

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

"Have them press 1 again." "Good." "Now, 3 minutes of silence." "Are they still there?" "Give them 18 minutes of pan flute." - Call Center Training

submitted 5 days ago • 18 comments

HERE FOR GOUT, NOT CLOUT.

submitted 5 days ago • 9 comments

We were the closest of friends, like two pees in a pool

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

[Seeing the second book in a series labeled "Volume 2"] so I guess I read this one louder

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

chocolate: dark chocolate: what’s the point of anything if one day we’re all going to die anyway?

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

botox or bangs you don’t need both

submitted 5 days ago • 9 comments

When we retire I’m looking to buy a house up north with some acreage and a pond that I’ll name James.

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

Haters will see you playing hot potato and say you’re against holding things.

submitted 5 days ago • 5 comments

If I had to explain Mr Beast to my parents, I would tell them to imagine an Oprah/Jigsaw hybrid.

submitted 5 days ago • 5 comments

Joy Division. Not the band, just breaking up the joy into 30-second increments throughout my day.

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

bluesky has sent me a plaque for reaching 50K posts. it is made of perennial ryegrass and says LOG OFF

submitted 7 days ago • 218 comments

A lady contacted me about a news story I wrote in 2002, asking if I had more information. I wrote back “I’m sorry but that was 23 years ago” and that number made my brain fold in on itself like the house in Poltergeist.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

The bluebird carries the sky on his back. - Henry David Thoreau 📷: Eastern Bluebird

submitted 7 days ago • 177 comments

The feminine urge to feng shui the exam room while I wait

submitted 7 days ago • 9 comments

I want to spring clean my internal organs when the sun comes out. I feel dusty inside

submitted 7 days ago • 22 comments

alright everyone time for a break. let's take a soft 5 years.

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

I didn’t say I‘m right I said I’m certain.

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

I don’t kiss ass for reskeets.

submitted 9 days ago • 16 comments

The higher the hop count, the higher the sperm count.

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

Clarissa didn’t explain any of this.

submitted 10 days ago • 16 comments

I know this is a major misconception but slugs and snails produce mucus to survive, NOT to be sexy.

submitted 10 days ago • 41 comments

Found a ledger book in the attic of an old house this morning. Butter, sugar, and eggs were big sellers on this date 150 years ago.

submitted 9 days ago • 37 comments

i made a thing. protect libraries.

submitted 9 days ago • 8 comments

One way things have gotten better in 10 years is phones can get a little wet now

submitted 9 days ago • 17 comments

One day, you're out partying until all hours and then, suddenly, you're excited about the new Costco that's so much closer than the other one.

submitted 9 days ago • 7 comments

I'm like if a person were interstitial.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

You were right all along, everyone does hate you. Happy Sunday

submitted 9 days ago • 11 comments

I just finished an entire chapstick, so, I don’t know, I guess this is goodbye? How does this work, exactly.

submitted 10 days ago • 13 comments

a folgers ad campaign where everyone looks like shit and cries while sipping coffee

submitted 9 days ago • 27 comments

Why is it always the "blood moon," why can't it be the peanut butter cup moon?

submitted 10 days ago • 20 comments

Kale is the BDSM of lettuce

submitted 9 days ago • 15 comments