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hijennie.bsky.social
full time buddy 🇨🇦/🇺🇸 Words: New Yorker, McSweeney’s, and more #author: Frog and Toad Are Doing Their Best, OH BOTHER (@vulture Best of 2021 + 2024) Working on my third book! Rep: WSA soon as I get same followers will delete hellsite account
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axis of weasels

Last year he wanted to give supplemental aide to Ukraine. Mike Johnson is a bootlicking, spineless, weakweakweak coward (duh)

"Ukraine, Spain stands with you." - Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez expresses his support and solidarity with Ukraine following the recent clash between Trump, Vance, and Zelensky.

the most accurate depiction of autism

I am now accepting submission for my new essay collection, Chicken Soup For the Haters’ Soul

Hating is good for the soul

did everyone sever their balls in the elevator this morning (yes)

Call Hochul to remove corrupt Adams as mayor of NYC. 518-474-8390 (If you get voicemail, leave your address so your call is tallied)

In order for New Yorkers to vote in the closed Democratic Mayoral Primary, they must be registered as Democrats (and not unaffiliated or otherwise) by TOMORROW, February 14th. You CAN do change or update online through the DMV link below with a valid ID: e-register.vote.nyc

I am a seer

“But you’re from Canada! Shouldn’t you be on Drake’s side?” No one’s on Drake’s side. Drake shouldn’t be on Drake’s side.

PHILLY GOOD AT KICK

Me omw to spill secrets at the family reunion

the chiefs playing so badly, can only assume this is to protest Trump

Time of death

A world class hater. I am screaming.

SUPERBOWL 2025: the revolution will not be televised, but Drake’s execution will be

[nods] finally, Plato’s allegory of the cave serves c*nt

A HAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAH kill me

•Kit-ten things I hate about Mew •The Purrposal •Fur Weddings and A Mewneral •The Felinedelpia Story •Broadcats Mews •The 40 Year Old Purrgin •When Hairball Met Sally •While you were sleeping (for 20 hours per day)

Give her what she really wants for Valentine’s Day, a romcom starring him

Tell Elon only pussies break the government. Only teeny tiny little babby gals in flouncy-pouncy widdle dresses.

New spokesperson for PragerU Kids just dropped đź‘€ www.nytimes.com/2025/02/04/u...

True story. I am good at partying.

My gynecologist: what are you using for birth control? me: work stress My gynecologist: hahah I almost put that on the form me: *using the speculum as a puppet* I’ll do it I don’t give a fuuuuuuuu-

Fastest thing youll do today! Hit the link if youre *not* into fascists actionnetwork.org/letters/dema...

fuckin brilliant writing!

I wrote this 5ish years ago and I still get reply-guy emails from Genesis fans about it!

my niece looks like the baby from twilight (non-cursed edition) and I HATE IT

acupuncture? You mean sticky-pokey lie down hour?

my ads are getting frighteningly specific

I’d just like the groundhog’s take on things, thanks

@nytimes.com: TRUMP ADMINISTRATION REVOKES PROTECTIONS, RUINS WORLD me: …but what did the groundhog say

If I don’t get arrested this year, I’m doing something wrong

@setherubin.bsky.social sent me an early draft of this for feedback? And as always, I was like “GOD DAMN IT, YOURE A GODDAMN GENIUS, LET ME WEAR YOUR SKIN (in a cool way)”

Q: describe injustice me: injustice is Leo DiCaprio playing Frank Abagnale Jr in Catch Me If You Can, when the role BELONGS to Henry Winkler

The Keyboard of Solomon (1 Kings 3:16–28)

I’m the richest woman that ever lived

my friend Freaky Friday’d with a dog at her art show, AMA

FINALLY bought a whole carton of eggs. I have truly made it. I’m egg rich bitch 🥚💰 Yolks on yolks on YOLKS

The Keyboard of Solomon (1 Kings 3:16–28)