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jessedumb.bsky.social
Swamp monk
2,736 posts 1,993 followers 774 following
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Posts 13 Comments 34

the stars are air holes

submitted 529 days ago • 4 comments

I'm too old to be a skeptic now. The alien mummies are real. Bigfoot is real. The cosmic serpent is real. But the chupacabra? 100% fake.

submitted 530 days ago • 13 comments

Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In My Lane. Focused. Flourishing

submitted 531 days ago • 8 comments

People think octopuses love October because they both begin with "octo" but the truth is that octopuses spend the whole month getting excited for Halloween because they are capable of giving out candy extremely quickly & efficiently.

submitted 531 days ago • 16 comments

Me and the homie looking at you right after you suggest we steal the Declaration of Independence.

submitted 532 days ago • 0 comments

My home’s hallways are lined with oil portraits of my ancestors in hand carved frames composed entirely of Arby’s beef sandwiches.

submitted 533 days ago • 0 comments

Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.

submitted 532 days ago • 7 comments

in the 90’s, computers would scream every time you went online. that‘s called foreshadowing

submitted 537 days ago • 55 comments

The waiter said my steak was rare but it turns out there are literally thousands of steaks.

submitted 532 days ago • 0 comments

laughing out longingly

submitted 532 days ago • 4 comments

You ever pirate a movie? Give it 3.14 stars every time.

submitted 532 days ago • 11 comments

We need to return to the days when the only "bit coin" was an old pirate nibbling a doubloon to make sure the gold was real.

submitted 532 days ago • 1 comment

Asked my coworker when they were getting into the office today. They said “15 to 20 minutes Max.” Seven years working together and they never remember that my name is Jesse.

submitted 533 days ago • 1 comment