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jesus-and-butthead.bsky.social

I work at a record store, I'm a former member of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Rogers, and now I like to stay home and write. Formerly known as DJ Fart Ghost. Just my junk (anti-bangers) https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:icwmuvffuts3iaugroxwqjl7/feed/aaajnaptz5uk2

223 posts 784 followers 1,690 following

Posts 26 Comments 24

*sees woman grabbing her throat while choking on popcorn in the theater. I rush up behind her "SHUUUUUUSH"

submitted 1 hour ago • 4 comments

Pulled down my pants, and Pringles crumbs fell out. It's not a good feeling.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

Remember when everyone celebrated Caturday? The world was a better place.

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

me

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

As we get older, we tend to make fewer decisions by asking the Magic 8 Ball. That's why life sucks.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

I'm starting to think that Buck Rogers in the 25th Century isn't what the future is going to look like.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

It's Friday! Let's ignore things together.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The first day you were middle-aged was when you woke up and thought it was possible that someone broke into your house the night before, duplicated and replaced your entire wardrobe, but made everything just a little bit smaller.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

In these trying times, focus on what makes America great. The drive-through liquor store, for example.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

There was an outbreak of the undead at the farmers market. A bunch of vegan zombies were wandering around, moaning “graaaaaiiiins.”

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Today is going to be one of those days I wish I could mute myself.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Darth Vader storming through the Death Star turning off lights mumbling about we ain't lighting the universe

submitted 2 days ago • 51 comments

People are so fucking stupid today. Extra, more than usual.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

How will we know when burritozen is president? There will be signs.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Can't I just take probiotics or something?

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Girl, are you a monetary penalty incurred for committing a misdemeanor crime such as littering? Because you fine.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

If I delete something I've written because I decide it's stupid, it's my way of making your day a little better.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

It took me a long time to accept the fact that I'm going to have the body of a rubber chicken for the rest of my life.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

At least smoking is still cool and glamorous.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Today's forecast: General malaise with a 50% chance of stabbing

submitted 4 days ago • 6 comments

Hey, I think I know where we can score some helium.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Alt Text: I added a bowler cap and a cravat for more penache

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

I have to work today, so it's up to you to craft the traditional Mount Rushmore replica made of lunch meat. Helpful hint - if you make the eyes olives, they seem to follow you as you walk through the room. The kids love that.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

*sees woman grabbing her throat while choking on popcorn in the theater. I rush up behind her "SHUUUUUUSH"

Pulled down my pants, and Pringles crumbs fell out. It's not a good feeling.

Remember when everyone celebrated Caturday? The world was a better place.

me

As we get older, we tend to make fewer decisions by asking the Magic 8 Ball. That's why life sucks.

I'm starting to think that Buck Rogers in the 25th Century isn't what the future is going to look like.

It's Friday! Let's ignore things together.

The first day you were middle-aged was when you woke up and thought it was possible that someone broke into your house the night before, duplicated and replaced your entire wardrobe, but made everything just a little bit smaller.

In these trying times, focus on what makes America great. The drive-through liquor store, for example.

There was an outbreak of the undead at the farmers market. A bunch of vegan zombies were wandering around, moaning “graaaaaiiiins.”

Today is going to be one of those days I wish I could mute myself.

Darth Vader storming through the Death Star turning off lights mumbling about we ain't lighting the universe

People are so fucking stupid today. Extra, more than usual.

How will we know when burritozen is president? There will be signs.

Can't I just take probiotics or something?

Girl, are you a monetary penalty incurred for committing a misdemeanor crime such as littering? Because you fine.

If I delete something I've written because I decide it's stupid, it's my way of making your day a little better.

It took me a long time to accept the fact that I'm going to have the body of a rubber chicken for the rest of my life.

At least smoking is still cool and glamorous.

Today's forecast: General malaise with a 50% chance of stabbing

Hey, I think I know where we can score some helium.

Alt Text: I added a bowler cap and a cravat for more penache

I have to work today, so it's up to you to craft the traditional Mount Rushmore replica made of lunch meat. Helpful hint - if you make the eyes olives, they seem to follow you as you walk through the room. The kids love that.

I need to stop reflexively saying ‘good question’, before answering what are genuinely bad questions

I have a freezer full of fish sticks. No punch line. Good night. *send

at least the next holiday consists of green tongues and parades