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jimmybiscuits.bsky.social
If you’re at my house and have to shit go home West Coast 🇨🇦🇬🇧 that/it Spit takes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uft5tq2vgy3jxzxojtzpgepr/feed/aaahewkuf32zc
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AT BEYONCÉ CONCERT HER: 🎶Who run the world? ME: [from front row, through a megaphone] BIG PHARMA

Post an image you can hear (ocean waves lapping)

You guys owe me a drink.

one dollar isn't cool, you know what's cool? well it's still one dollar but check it out, washington has shades on. did that myself. if you want i can show you how

Elon’s dad just put a baby in me somehow

[someone walks in as i’m shitting into the tank in the staff washroom] Them: lol nice upper decker bro! Me: What’s an upper decker

If I was on life support: Dad: tsk tsk You don’t need all these lights. *starts flipping switches”

Me: *gets a boner* Librarian: SHHHH

Not enough Vegas Showgirls in the movie Longlegs, tbh.

[Taco Bell kitchen] Manager: Sir you can’t be back here Me: *wearing backstage pass from a 90s Hansen concert* c’mon dude

Please stop posting about your beloved pets dying some of us are here for laughs and yes those posts are funny but enough is enough

Son your wild rabid dogs are tearing this family apaaAAAAAA

STAR WARS The Empire Lies Down For a Bit

‘Gamer’ is a typo. Anyone with it in their bio meant ‘gamey’.

SH OO TH IM

I’ll never forget finding out the day after I moved out of my parents’ house they turned my room into a petting zoo.

Okay first of all, why would you leave a cake outside even on a sunny day?

I feel like there should be less hugging on game shows.

Walking down the street minding my own business and almost got hit by a plane smh

Walking down the street minding my own business and almost got hit by a plane smh

Face reveal

Me: Are you gonna eat that Server: *from across the room* SIR I WON’T TELL YOU AGAIN GO BACK TO YOUR TABLE

Allegory alert!

I took myself out for Valentines and it was a hoot

Face reveal

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