We tried to make her poop gold; instead, she only shed it.

During one of our coop building's board-of-directors Zoom meetings, one of the members urinated on camera. Still don't know if he was channeling Andy Kaufman, or just didn't give a shit.

We did something similar with a hypercompetent and consenting, but bullheaded, senior whose impatience/annoyedness we feared would waste the three-way call. The agent, misunderstanding the issue, talked to him as if he were a baby. Luckily he didn't notice, so we got our paperwork changed as needed.

I liberated the racist “Birth of a Nation” novel from a coffeehouse. As speculative fiction it deserves a place on my shelves . . . and I deserve anyone’s hairy eyeball over it.